Pain and Sorrow
by Es Charmed
Summary: Story starts off when SG1 enter an alternate universe, and she see's the life ehe's wanted all along. The story is sad with a lot of pain focused around Sam. SML pairing. Not for SJ fans.
1. What Could've been

"Unscheduled off world activation." Announced Sergeant Davis over the loud speaker.

"Who is it?"

"Sir, it's SG-1," he responded in a confused tone. Teal'c, Daniel, and Jack were standing right behind him with the same level of bewilderment. "Sir?" General Hammond didn't know what to do.

"Open the iris."

"Yes Sir." Out walked four members of SG-1 as if it was just a typical routine mission, that was until they saw their own counterparts.

"What the hell is going on here?" Said Jack, who just stepped through the gate.

"We could ask you guys the same damn thing." Responded Colonel O'Neill.

Inside the briefing room

"Well Sirs, the only possible explanation is that we've stepped through an alternate universe." Sam said.

"So Major Carter's theories are correct." Said Teal'c.

"Indeed, we have experienced such encounters before." He said, to himself. Everyone in the room stared blanky at one another.

"Call Martouf in here." The General ordered.

"Yes Sir," and the airman walked out.

"Martouf? He's Alive?" Sam's face went blank, the thought of seeing him again both lifted her heart and made it feel like it was full of a thousand thorns. She'd never truly gotten over the guilt and regret of his death, the pain from knowing it was her that killed him, the remorse of knowing that if she had just told him how she felt, perhaps, things would be different. She missed him.

"Yeah, he works here now." Answered Daniel Jackson. Feeling exceedingly uncomfortable she decided to change the subject.

"If you don't mind me asking, where am I, in this world I mean."

"At home, in maternity leave." Martouf answered as he walked into the debriefing room. She froze as the three men on her team stood to say hello to him. After he shook hands with them, he finally made his way to her. He smiled that same smile he always did when he greeted her, it made her melt. "Hello Samantha." Sam smiled back, fighting the tears she felt were soon to come. Once he released her hands he pulled the seat back for her to sit, before seating himself across from her. She couldn't take her gaze off him. Daniel had seen the paled look on his friend's face and immediately knew. He wished he could take her into a huge bear hug and comfort her. It was as obvious then as it was now, she loved them, both Martouf and Lantash. She was trying hard to keep her focus.

"So, we don't know how it was exactly that we ended up in your dimension. Our original encounter with parallel universes came when we found a quantum mirror on P3R233 and it linked us to other alternate universes. But in this case everything seemed pretty routine, no mirror or anything. We just dialed home and ended up here."

"Well, we'll do our best to help you get back. Until then make yourselves comfortable."

"Thank you General; but to be honest Sir, the sooner we get back the better. There are some side effects to being in alternate realities."

"Temporal distortion." Answered Martouf.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"You spoke to me of your many theories, alternate realities being one of them." She smiled back at him, though sadness lingered in her eyes.

The team made their way to the infirmary as Martouf escorted them there. Once they were close they could hear an argument going on. Janet was demanding something from someone, and was pretty adamant about it too.

"Sam, you're supposed to be in bed rest. I want you home now!"

"Relax Janet I'll go home. Besides, I have every right to see my husband."

"And you couldn't wait three hours for that?"

"Do you honestly think I have that much patience right now?" She joked. The team walked in to a very pregnant Samantha Carter bantering with Janet. Samantha turned her head, and froze as she saw herself.

"My love, you are supposed to be at home and resting." Martouf ran over to his wife and kissed her.

"Mmm, I know, but I wanted to stop by and visit you." Still holding on to her husband, she turned her head towards the four people staring at her in shock. "What's going on?"

"I believe its an opportunity for you to say 'I told you so.' They are from an alternate reality."

Sam didn't know what to make of the situation. There she was, staring at herself and Martouf together, just like she dreamed, only this time she was pregnant. The pain hit her again like a brick wall. Everyone was greeting one another, Teal'c and Jack each giving Janet a hug, Daniel commenting on the size of Samantha's belly. For that brief second, it was a perfect world, and there she was standing behind, only able to bear witness rather than partake in it. Perhaps it was punishment for killing that man she loved. She snapped out of it when she realized Martouf was walking towards her.

"Is everything alright? He asked, with a tone of concern in his voice.

"Yeah, its just uhm, it's different you know. In my world you're dead. And now, here you are, happy as can be, with me, well not me me, of course not, I mean the me in this world and…" she paused and stared directly into his eyes, one of the hardest things she's ever had to do. …"and I miss you." Martouf took her into his arms and soothingly rubbed her back.

"I am sorry things in your life are not as you wish them to be. But I pray you find happiness elsewhere Samantha. And I pray that it is as fulfilling as ours in this reality." He softly whispered before releasing her.

"Hey, just 'cause I look like a whale doesn't grant you permission to flirt with the hotter, thinner version of me mister!" Samantha jokingly chided from across the room. She came up behind her husband and placed her arm around his. "Man I miss having that body." She said as she stared at Sam. "I feel like I'm consuming this entire room, I haven't even seen my feet in the longest time." The couple laughed lightly.

"She does not see that she is still as radiant as ever." It was Lantash that spoke this time. Sam again felt the loss of him.

"Listen, when you guys are done here Sam, mind if we talk over lunch?" Samantha didn't want to miss the opportunity to discuss each other's theories, especially when proof it was staring her right in the eye. Sam on the other hand wanted to talk about other matters, those regarding Martouf and Lantash.

"So you have absolutely no idea how you got here?" Samantha asked, grabbing some orange jello. She also grabbed the blue and placed it on Sam's tray. "I've been craving the orange ever since I got pregnant." as if to answer Sam's questions.

"No, p until now I thought the only way to get to an AU was through the mirror."

"I'll be happy to help in anyway."

"Thank-you, but are you sure that's alright, you working and all?"

Samantha chuckled. "Even if it wasn't I'd do it anyway. It feels like I've been on bed rest for forever. Janet calls every few hours making sure I'm still home, at least one of the guys ends up visiting me everyday, and don't even get me started on Martouf and Lantash. They mean well and everything, but seriously, it's overkill. And I'm just so bored now. I can't wait to push these kids out of me."

"Kids?"

"Yeah, just found out we're having twins."

"You must be so happy together."

"Yeah, we are." Samantha smiled. "I know it's a little cheesy but everyday I spend time with them feels so amazing. There's something about the idea that we were galaxies apart and somehow managed to find out way into each other's arms that just beats the hell out of all those romance movies put together." She noticed that Sam was looking down and playing with her food. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, no you didn't."

"I heard that in your world, well, I can't even imagine. I'm sorry."

"Firing the energy blast in 10…9…8…" as the sergeant counted down Samantha turned to her counterpart. Sam and Samantha were able to trace an energy signal that occurred several seconds before the team ended up where they were, and realized it was a supernova from a distant galaxy that some how was able to provide enough energy to cause them to be diverted onto a different reality. All they needed to do was to mimic a small fraction of that energy to get the team back to the right galaxy.

"Sam, you're a genius."

"No you're a genius." They both joked. "Take care of yourself alright… Mom, heh."

"You too." Samantha responded, giving Sam a hug. Martouf stepped forward. Taking her hands in his he gently leaned over and kissed her on the cheak.

"As I Said, I pray you find happiness, even if it is with someone else. I wish you the best Samantha."


	2. Return to Reality

Sam shut her locker and slammed her head against the door. She sighed as she slumped her body down towards the floor and for the first time in a long time, she cried. The last, and only, time she cried was when she held his dying body as he slowly drifted into nothingness. She didn't cry when the took his body away, she didn't cry when her father came to see her, when the council apologized for what had happened, or when her friends made numerous attempts to take her out and make her forget.  
Why did this mission have to happen? Why now, when she was doing such a great job denying it had ever happened. Her breathing became heavy as she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. 'I pray you find happiness elsewhere Samantha.' She gasped at the sudden flash of memory. 'Oh God!' She thought. 'Why?! Why me? I'm such an idiot, I didn't have to kill him, there could've been some other way… there had to have been.' By then she was slamming her fist into the locker, her other hand was grasping her hair. She stopped her physical torment and sobbed harder to her heart's content. The pain was unbearable, never had her heart been so shattered. But she felt she had only herself to blame for that fact.  
What's worse, her team was scheduled to visit the Tok'ra later on in the week to exchange information, just what she needed, more reminders of Martouf and Lantash. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve this sort of punishment, but it was putting to test every bit of strength she had within herself. The pain was beginning to make her nauseous. Sam ran to the bathroom and began vomiting. She was disgusted with herself, disgusted with everything. When she was done she sat next to the toilet, buried her face with her arms wrapped around her legs, it was all she could do having been completely taken over by her emotions.

Dr. Fraiser ran through the hallways looking for Sam. SG-1 was scheduled to leave for the Tok'ra world in less than ten minutes and she knew she just had to catch her friend before they left. "General! Sir, have you seen Major Carter?"

"No I can't say I have. Why is something wrong that would prevent her from going on this mission?"

"Sir, I just have something very important to speak to her about."

"Whatever it is, unless its going to put her in danger you're going to have to wait until after they come back."

"Well yes but Sir…"

"Dr. Fraiser, this meeting with the Tok'ra is long overdue. I'm sure whatever you two have to talk about can wait. Understood?"

"Yes sir." She sighed knowing she was defeating in their conversation. The General was right, Sam's current condition did not impede her from gate travel, technically she could wait to tell her friend. 

SG1 was escorted to the room where several Council members were seated, waiting. In the corner Sam noticed Anise, and someone she recognized as being a healer. Sam had never spoken to Anise or Freya after the incident, as far as she was concerned they were going to be on bad terms for a long time coming. She ignored their presence and greeted her father. "Sammie, everything alright kiddo?"

"Yeah Dad, of course."

Selmak came forward, "Samantha, although I may not have known you as long as your father, even I can see your smile is feigned."

She shrugged her shoulders, "What can I say Sel, there's not much to smile about these days. Lets just get this over with alright."

/God I hate seeing her this miserable./

/As do I Jacob, but we must allow her to mourn in her own way./

/Well if you ask me, she's acting like she's in complete denial about the whole thing. What I'd give to just see her old optimistic self again./

The meeting had begun as Selmak and Jacob conversed amongst themselves. Everyone had greeted one another than Anise stepped forward to present her findings on the zartac technology. Sam, who had been staring down on the table faught the urge to vomit as she heard the mention of his name. She breathed deep and closed her eyes.

"Martouf?"

"I do not know this woman."

"But I'm right aren't I? That's your name?"

"It is. How do you know me?"

Sam had missed minutes of Anise's presentation as images of Martouf's face flashed before her. It didn't matter, she was sure that Daniel was paying enough attention to write a report about it later anyway. All she saw were his captivating grey eyes. She remembered when he had taken off his desert hat, how his hair looked so disheveled and silly, but for some reason she couldn't help but melt at the sight of it. She remembered the first time Lantash came forward and spoke to her. How at first she was absolutely shocked, but quickly began to calm down, in fact she found his words quite comforting as they sat on the dunes discussing the Tokra and what it was to be schizophrenic. Then there were times when Lantash was so passionate about his views that it scared her. But mostly, it amazed her how he can have so much dediction to his cause, after all the hardships he had been through, most people would've just given up on life. They hid their emotions well at the news of Jolinar's fate, but inside she knew they were dying, just as she was dying at this very moment.

"So wait a minute, what are you saying? Martouf's alive?"

"What?" Sam whispered as she was pulled back into reality at the sound of the Colonel's voice.

"Barely, but yes." It was the healer who answered. Sam was in shock, her eyes staring directly ahead waiting for an explanation. Beneath the table her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Tears threatened to fall down her face.

"What the hell is this some sort of sick joke?!" Sam stood and was about to storm out of the room. "Have a little respect for him, he's dead! They're dead, their gone and… Oh God!" She sobbed.

"Sam, honey." Her father said as he made his way toward his daughter.

"No don't! Don't you dare touch me!" everyone in the room was staring at her as she attempted to regain some composure. "I… I'm sorry." Was all she said as she stormed out of the room to reach the surface. Everyone stood in silence, some in complete shock over what just happened, some saddened by the thought of such love gone to waste. 

"I am sorry," Anise apologized to the team, "I was not aware of Major Carter's feelings for Martouf and Lantash."

"That's just it, no one was." Daniel said bitterly. "Everyone was too goddamned focused on their own agenda… Look it can't be easy for her to always have to maintain the military persona, just 'cause she looks tough on the outside doesn't mean she's the same way on the inside."

"Daniel what the hell are you talking about?" Jack was getting a little annoyed at his friends overly dramatic mentality. He always seemed to make everything bigger than it actually seemed.

"Shuttup Jack you're one of the worst! You were too goddamn busy hating him you didn't even care what his intentions were, hell you didn't even care about what he had to say about anything. Believe it or not Jack, he wasn't just a 'snakehead,' he was a good man, they both were. And Sam, well just had too much respect for you to ever do anything you disapproved of. Including following her heart. Pull your head outta your ass and spit out all that pride and arrogance Jack, maybe you'd actually see things for what they actually are. And you!" He turned to Anise/Freya. "You're so goddamn focused on this zartac bullshit that you forget he's not your friggin lab rat! He's a person, with a life that deserves a hell of a lot more respect than what you've offered thus far. You should just be happy that one of your own is alive instead of putting all your effort into poking and prodding at him to try to find some cure that may or may not even exist. No offense, its great what you're trying to do to battle the goa'uld and all that, its noble really, but that man out there is alive, along with his symbiote, shouldn't you be focused on helping them get better? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if my friend is alright." He began to make his way out the room when he stopped briefly. "Oh and if you're worried about her blaming any of you for what happened, she doesn't. She blames herself for everything." He stormed out with Teal'c in tow.

Sam sat on the dunes with one hand the wrapped around her legs, the other doodling hearts along the sand surface. She had been writing their names over and over again. "I'm sorry." She said, feeling Tealc's presence come up behind her. She knew Daniel was with him too, she just couldn't sense him the same way she could a symbiote. "I didn't mean to make a scene in there."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Responded Daniel as the two sat beside her. Teal'c made notice of what she was drawing, "Major Carter, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Teal'c, its just… I'm sorry, you guys probably think I'm pathetic."

"Why would we think that?" She shrugged in response. "Sam, were you even listening to a word they said, or was it just that last part you caught?" Not hearing any response he decided to continue. "Well apparently, when they brought back the body, he was just barely alive. They put him in some sort of suspension or something and maintained essential bodily functions while Anise worked to figure out the zartac technology…" Sam ran away from the two and began vomiting again. The two men stared at each other thinking it was just a natural response to the idea that Martouf and Lantash were essentially nothing but lab rats for the past two months. She sat back between them when she was finished but didn't say a word. "I'm so sorry Sam."

"Why wouldn't Dad tell me?"

"It was top secret, not a lot of people knew about the project."

"What changed?"

"There wasn't any progress being made. Whatever was left of him being zartac was probably destroyed after the second shot of the zat. Once Anise realized this, it all became general knowledge, which would explain why we found all this out just now. It would give everyone a chance to…properly say their goodbyes." Her face was pale and emotionless, but still the tears rolled down her face. Sensing that she was about to collapse Teal'c grabbed her bod as it began to fall backward, unconscious.


	3. Mourning

Sam awoke drowsy and confused. Rather than being in the infirmary as she had expected, she was surrounded by the blue crystals of the Tok'ra tunnels. She suspected that it was late seeing as no one was around aside from the one healer assigned to watch over her. But even she had fallen fast asleep after a long day's work. Sam sighed as she sat up and tossed her legs over the side of the bed. Not wanting to go back to sleep, she decided to walk around the tunnels instead. Few people were still walking about, but none of them bothered to disturb her, they simply smiled and went on with their own business. By then everyone had heard about what had happened during the meeting and were giving her ample distance to grieve.

She didn't know where to go, so she just kept walking. Sam passed the commissary where she noticed Malek heading for a midnight snack, then the guest quarters, probably where her team were assigned to stay the night. Finally she reached the private quarters. Turning right, she took in the sight realizing where she was. It was Martouf's quarters. Part of her felt as if she had no right to be in there, another part couldn't help but take comfort in being surrounded by his things. She made her way into his bed and crawled into a fetal ball. Sam cried herself to sleep that night, and dreamt about the two she loved so dearly.

"I've missed you so much."

"I know."

"I never got to tell you that I… I love you, both of you more than anything in this world."

"Do not think that you are the only one who feels that way Samantha. We both love you very much."

"But its too late now, you're dead now and I can't do anything to bring you back, God knows I want to..."

"I have never left you."

"…I'm so sorry, for everything, for never telling you how I felt, for… for what I did to you."

"You did what needed to be done. And you kept me from destroying myself. If anything it is I who should be apologizing to you, I had no right to ask that of you."

"Martouf…"

"Shhh… Sleep now, you will need your strength."

"But…"

Sam awoke in a frenzy of sweat. It had felt so real, as if he was actually there with her, laying down and holding her. The reality of what Daniel had told her still hadn't struck. She still felt as if it was some sick joke and any minute a camera man would pop out giving everyone their fair share of laughs. Everyone but her that is. Sam sat up knowing she had to leave his room. She didn't want to, but her team would probably be looking for her, and the last thing she wanted was for them to end up here, in his quarters. She already felt like enough of an intruder as it is.

She walked along the corridors dodging passer-bys and anyone who might actually try to talk to her. She could hear Lyna, the healer, running up behind, "Samantha, I have been searching everywhere for you, I was worried when I awoke and you were not in the room. I'm sorry I should've been taking better watch over you…" Sam simply smiled back out of politeness, and turned away to continue walking. "I can understand you have no wish to talk, however I have something very important to tell you. Samantha please, stop." Sam did as she was told but didn't turn around to face Lyna. "No one knows this yet, and it is my assumption that you are unaware as well… but, Samantha.." She came closer and whispered, "were you aware that you are with-child?"

"What?!" Her initial thoughts were that it was yet another sick joke being played on her. How much more must she be tested, how much more could she possibly stand?

"You were brought in by Teal'c when you became unconscious. I came upon this information while checking your condition. You and I are the only ones who know at this point. I didn't mean to be so forward, but I wasn't sure if you were already aware of this."

"I'm not pregnant Lyna, I can't be. Besides, if I was Janet would've told me, she would've been the first to know."

"Have you been intimate?"

"Excuse me? How is that any of your business?"

"Samantha…"

She was beginning to get annoyed now, "Look, if you must know, the last time I did anything like that was when…" She paused, it all came together. She was with Martouf and Lantash the night they thought she was a zartac. They came into the room and things progressed physically and she couldn't stop herself, well she could've, she just didn't want to. Images of their passionate love making flashed before her, the three of them showing one another the most intimate aspects of their lives. But even then she was too afraid to express her feelings for them, afraid that they would not be reciprocated. "You know what, this is all too much for me right now, okay. I just want to be left alone if that's alright."

"Very well. But before you go, the council wishes to see you today, they plan to discuss more information concerning Martouf and Lantash. They will worry if you do not make an appearance." Just as Sam was about to turn away…"Samantha, it would help you to know that despite the grief, you and your child are in perfect health. You can trust that I will not divulge this information to others unless it is your wish. If there is anything you need, anything at all, you know where to find me."

"Thank-you."

/ My dear Lyna, this is quite a complicated situation./

/I agree, I would not even pretend to know how she is feeling at the moment./

/You don't think that Martouf and Lantash…?/

/That is not for us to know, our only concern is for her health./

Lyna turned away, feeling helpless to help Sam in her ordeal. No one could imagine what she was about to go through next.

She sat on a slab of crystals outside the council chambers awaiting the arrival of her team, her father, and the rest of the council members. She was beyond fragile at this point, she had been in a constant daze and was certainly in no mood to be put to the test yet again. Jacob approached and took a seat next to his daughter, but she made no effort to move or even say hello to him.

"You know you're gonna burn a hole in the floor if you keep staring at it like that." Still there was no response, so he tried a different approach to get her attention. He sat down and pulled her closer to him, "Listen sweetheart I know this is hard for you. Hell it's hard for everyone. Most people here have known Martouf for over a hundred years, Lantash even longer. So you're wrong if you think there's no one here you can talk to about this Babygirl. You don't have to be a strong little soldier for me Sammie you're my daughter, just let it out."  
She cried into her fathers arms. There was no sense in trying to maintain her military composure anymore, not that she could anymore. "Shhh…Shhh… Its okay let it out, it'll be okay..Shhh." he said as he soothingly rubbed her back. Her hair was in disarray, and her face had turned red with tears, but still the tears came as if there was no end.

"I can't even count how many times I've broken down this week alone. I don't usually do that, it's not me." She sniffed. "Daddy I don't think I can handle all this."

"I know it hurts sweetheart. But you've been keeping it all inside for so long it was bound to come out at some point."

"My whole world has been turned upside down, serves me right for killing the man I loved."

"Hey, none of this is your fault, you know that. You did what you had to do Sam there was no other choice."

After a brief moment of silence she began to speak again. "He's really dying this time isn't he?"

Jacob sighed, this wasn't an easy question to answer, and it wasn't one he could lie about either. "They're both very weak Sammie, Martouf has been in a coma for over a month and we don't really know what the situation is with Lantash. We've been able to keep them in stasis for some time now sweetie. But we can't anymore, out of respect for the both of them. If things don't start to progress…sweetheart I'm sorry."

"This can't be happening…" She sniffed, "I can't bear to lose them again, not after knowing what could've been…We were meant for each other, I just know that for a fact."

"Sweetheart you'll find someone else."

"No, no Dad… I loved them. Daddy listen, after they thought I was a zartac, he came to me. It was like for the first time I actually felt like I was right where I belonged. But I was so afraid it was just a fantasy that I didn't want to say anything incase they didn't feel the same. So I didn't, and it was too late after that. Dad, I got a chance to see how different things would've been if I had just said something. They were so happy together, and they had so much to look forward to with the kids, and their marriage… "

"Honey what are you talking about?"

"And then I come here and you tell me they're still alive," She couldn't stop herself from rambling the thoughts that flowed through her mind, mixed and tangled.

"Sammy what are you talking about?"

"I mean is it real? Is it just some sort of sick joke. Give the woman something to be hopeful for, maybe give her another chance, hell maybe even tell her she's pregnant, and take it all away again like it doesn't even matter. Well, whatever little test this is that I'm being put through, sorry but I'm failing miserably…"

"What?"

"I'm dying, and I don't even want to fight it anymore."

"Wait a minute sweetheart, your… your pregnant?" Sam took a brief respite from her ramblings and looked at her father as tears began to flow even harder. Without words Jacob got his answer. "Oh Sammie…" The rest of the team approached as he held his daughter tightly, they were escorted by Malek and Garshaw.

"Dad… It's Martouf's." she whispered, no one else heard her words. Jacob held his daughter as she cried and confessed. He needed to be strong for her, he needed her to know he would be there, but inside he began to panick. The situation was worse than he thought.

/Selmak… Selmak! Did I just hear that right?/

/Yes Jacob./ Too saddened to say anymore Selmak simply sent waves of love to her host, keeping her feelings of pain and sorrow for Samantha to herself. 

Garshaw stepped forward to Sam and began speaking formally. "Major Carter of the Tau'ri, it is with deepest regret that we inform you that the prognosis for Martouf and Lantash of the Tok'ra are quite grim at best. If you wish to say your final good-bye please follow us."

"You're taking him off life support now?"

"If by life support you mean the suspension chamber, then yes. We are unsure of whether or not his body will be able to maintain essential functions without it. If so there is a small chance they will survive. If not, then their sufferings will have ended. Samantha please understand that there is no other choice at this point. We would only prolong their suffering. Neither Martouf nor Lantash would wish to be kept in this condition."

"Please don't call me Samantha, they're the only ones who call me that," was all she could replay.

"Very well. If it is alright, we will lead you to them now." Samantha nodded. As she followed the group her legs became heavier with each step. She barely even remembered that walk to the suspension chambers, even though it had felt like forever. When they reached the entrance, they paused and waited for her. Sam stood briefly in front of the room and took a deep breath before stepping in. Had she been in her right mind she would probably be amazed at the technology, but there were other concerns. Instead, all she focused on was Martouf's body encased behind a small glass chamber that lay in the middle of the room. Every few seconds a light would pass over his body taking readings. The screen on the far wall monitored every condition from his weakened heart beat, to blood pressure, temperature, and everything else that could possibly be monitored. She even saw Lantash's body, in what looked like a modified x-ray, within Martouf's neck, his heartbeat matched that of Martouf's. She traced Lantash's body on the screen with her fingers, before moving to the center of the room.

She approached the glass and the world around her seemed to vanish; no team, no father waiting to hold her, no Tok'ra scientists or healers surrounding them. It was just her standing over the man she was helpless to save. Sam placed her arm around the glass and cried, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Martouf, Lantash, please, I love you so much, you have to fight, please don't leave me. I love you." Sam felt someone place their hand on her shoulder. Looking up she saw that it was Daniel, in his eye she saw how much he cared for her. It was so typical of Daniel to care too much, she knew he was there for her whenever she needed. And Teal'c, standing so stoically next to him, although he didn't show it, he cared for her just as much as Daniel. But the Colonel, what about him? He never liked Martouf, and especially Lantash. Sam noticed him standing across from her, his face was full of sadness and regret as he looked at Martouf's dying body, and then looked up to stare at her, "For what its worth Sam, I'm sorry." At that instant Sam knew she knew all her friends had cared for her. She only hoped that they had enough strength to get her through this because at this point she herself had none left. 


	4. Life Support

"I am sorry Major Carter, but I must ask that you step back now." Lyna stared into her eyes with deep regret. She wished there was something more she could do to help Sam, but knew the battle was her's alone to fight. What made it more difficult was the knowledge of her pregnancy. Although Lyna herself had not yet determined the paternity, she had a feeling she knew exactly who it was.

Sam nodded in understanding, but was still reluctant to step back. Instead, her father held her and slowly moved her body away from the casing as Lyna moved to the controls. The monitors paused, and the glass casing slowly began to retract. He was covered only by a thin blue sheet. Silence fell upon the room, not even a single gasp for air could be heard. Once the screen had gone black indicating that the device was fully detached from him, several men came forward to remove his body from the chamber. The whole process seemed almost ritualistic, each of the men took extreme care not to disturb the body as much as possible. They were showing great respect for the body as they moved it onto one of the beds in the main healing chamber. Finally, when all was done, the men all turned to the face body and bow before leaving the room. There was nothing but a simple platform covered with soft sheets and comfortable pillows, a far cry from the infirmary they all were used to seeing at the base. The flat surface was only for keeping the body still as a symbiote worked to repair whatever damage the body would endure throughout missions.

Lyna moved toward the bed, placing two fingers upon his neck she informed, "His pulse is very weak, but he is alive."

"What now?" asked Daniel.

"We wait. If they are still alive after a day or so there is a greater chance that they may yet live. There is no way to tell at this point."

"That's it? You just leave him here like this? No, no way of monitoring his condition, no fluids so he doesn't dehydrate? Nothing? "

"Major Carter, Tok'ra have no need for the technology of which you speak. In most cases the symbiote is able to heal the host when given enough time. In extreme cases the suspension chambers are used. Even then the symbiote still must do the majority of the healing. We will use the healing device from time to time, but that is all we can do. To be honest, the only guarantee at this point would be to use a sarcaphougus, and we all know how Martouf and Lantash felt about that, how all Tok'ra felt about it. I am sorry, but the only other thing I can do is provide some herbs and medicine that lessen the pain. Lantash is strong, if any one can carry them through this it is him."

It made sense, most of the equipment used in a regular hospital setting wouldn't be needed when there's a symbiote involved, usually. But Lantash was so weakened at this point that any amount of help would greatly increase their chances. Sam's mind flooded with worry, what if they were getting dehydrated, their body was quickly running out of nutrients and if they didn't pump anything into him soon both Martouf and Lantash would run out of whatever reserves they had left, assuming they even had any. They already looked as if they were losing quite a bit of weight. And what if Martouf's heart suddenly stopped, or began to beat abnormally? What if he suddenly stopped breathing? They couldn't do anything to help him, not here anyway.

After some time everyone began to leave the room one by one. Soon all that were left keeping watch were Sam and Lyna. Lyna kept her distance, trying to stay busy by counting the supply of medicine and herbs, keeping the room clean should someone come in needing her assistance. Thinking that Sam wasn't in the mood for talking, she was surprised to hear her name being called.

"Samantha, what is it?"

"I need your help. I want to bring them back to Earth with me."

"What?! Samantha I…"

"Before you object, just hear me out." Lyna didn't say anything, an indication that Sam should continue on. "You said if they survive the coming day, they'll have a greater chance. But if you leave him here like this it's likely that they'll just get weaker anyway right? With no nutrients going into their body how can Lantash keep fighting like this?"

She sighed, "What did you have in mind?" Samantha was right, they were fighting a losing battle, and a slow and painful death was not what she pictured for a great Tok'ra warrior such as Martouf and Lantash.

"If we bring him back with us, we can pump more nutrients into his body, we can monitor his condition… we can help Lantash heal, please Lyna. I'm begging you." Lyna thought for a moment, she seemed to be having an internal conversation as Sam waited impatiently for an answer. They needed nourishment, they needed more scrutinizing care.

"It may work." And just as Sam began to smile with a glimmer of hope…"But, we must carefully approach the council with this proposal. If they approve of the idea we will begin plans for transferring his body to your world. Still, I worry that they may not agree to it. Even the transfer itself could be hazardous to their health."

"I understand, thank you Lyna, this means the world to me." She gave Sam a sympathetic smile, but just as she was about to lead her out of the room into the council chambers, she caught sight of Sam's hand upon Martouf's. It was a tight grip, as if she was afraid to let go.

"I will call them in here immediately."

As Lyna left, Sam placed a soft kiss upon Martouf's forehead. "Everything will be ok. I promise, I'll fix this, for us. Just hang on ok."

Sam was surprised that the Council actually approved her request to have Martouf and Lantash moved to Earth, but she wasn't about to complain. Everyone had helped to persuade them, even Colonel O'neil argued on his behalf. SG-1 had been on the Tok'ra home world for four days now, almost five and she still hadn't left Martouf's side, unless of course it was absolutely necessary. Even when she felt a strong urge to go to the bathroom, she was afraid that if she left them alone even for a moment… She didn't want to think about it. Tired, she was so tired now, she slowly rested her head by his side.

It had been a month since Martouf's body was moved to the SGC. His condition remained constant, not deteriorating, but then again not improving either. SG-1's work load became less, Daniel was going with other teams on archeological digs off world, Sam was focusing on technology brought back by other teams. The team had been reduced to one off world mission a week. 

Sam spent her break hours in the infirmary sitting by Martouf's body, talking to both him and Lantash about anything and everything, from her theories on wormhole physics, to her days as a young girl, to little drabbles about her day to day life. Slowly but surely she was gaining more hope. Though she still felt terribly depressed from time to time, it was never as often, or as severe as it had been before. It was as if she was drawing strength from them, for them and their baby.

Janet didn't mind having her friend around loitering. It gave her the opportunity to monitor Sam's pregnancy more accurately. She worried that her friend's fluctuating emotional state would endanger the life of the child, so she constantly kept a close eye. So far so good, Sam and her baby were perfectly healthy. Her morning sickness was waning down. In several months she'd be giving birth, Janet only hoped that Martouf and Lantash would be better by then.


	5. Awake

Sam sat next to Martouf's bed, ranting and laughing away as she rambled on about her childhood experiences:  
"So anyway, on my sixth birthday my dad decided to surprise me by putting this big blowup clown doll in my room after I went to sleep. This way when I woke up in the morning I'd have something funny and colorful to look at. He said he just wanted to bring a smile to his baby's face for her birthday. Right, so it sort of backfired. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and all I saw was this silhouette that just seemed to be staring at me from across the room as I was sleeping. I screamed so loud I woke up the entire house. Ever since then I've been so afraid of clowns." Samantha was laughing so hard she was almost out of breath, "Oh god, heh, you know I never told anybody that. Mark still hasn't let me live that down. You know, when you get better, you should meet him. He's really funny." 

Today was Sam's day off. Although she knew that her friends preferred for her to be at home resting, nothing made her feel as comfortable as when she sat next to her love, holding his hand. With her frequent bouts of depression, no one dared to separate her from his side. A month and a half now, the more time passed that they didn't awaken, the more worried and depressed she became. Still she would not give up on them.

I become faintly aware of soft hands holding mine. There is a voice speaking to me but I only partially hear what she's saying. I should wake up, but for whatever reason I am feeling rather weak and unable to move. There is mumbling within my head, but I think it is normal. My body is throbbing and I have a headache the size of a moon, I immediately try to alleviate the situation, but it will take some time. I retreat deeper back into my slumber. I cannot help myself, I am far too weak.

I wake up again; the woman who had stayed by my side has fallen asleep. Well, I can only assume that it is the same woman as before, but I cannot be sure seeing as I had not yet opened my eyes. Still holding my hand she begins to shift her weight upon the bed, she's asleep but at hearing her moans and erratic breathing I sense her dreams are troublesome. I wish there was some way for me to soothe and comfort her, perhaps awaken her from her nightmares; but all I can do is gently rub her hands with my thumb. Wake up. I should wake up.

I attempt to open my eyes slightly, an action I later come regret as the bright light hits my eyes, briefly worsening my headache. /Urgh, why did you have to do that/ what? I rub my head with my right hand, the other is still held in a tight grasp by the woman sitting by me. The woman, who is she? I attempt to sit myself up without disturbing her, she moans, so I stop. After a brief moment when I am sure she is still asleep I attempt to sit up again. Her head is rested comfortably upon my lap so rather than awaken her to ask of where I am. I am content to just let her sleep. It seems her dreams have changed to something more pleasant, she is now smiling.

/ She's absolutely beautiful. / I know. But even with that much beauty there's still so much sadness lingering. She appears to have been through quite an ordeal, from her swollen eyes I can tell she's been crying. A beautiful woman like that should not cry. I wonder what she dreams of. /As do I. / There's that voice again.

"Mmm… Martouf." She moans. Martouf, is that me? It must be, why else would she be at my side holding on to me in such a manner? I gently brush the hair away from her face. There is an overwhelming amount of sorrow there. It leaves me to ponder what has conspired that brought us to where we are now. I barely notice as she opens her eyes. There is a look of absolute shock.

"You're awake." Her voice was filled with a sense of hope and happiness.

"I am." I say frankly. She frowns. Have I said something wrong/Your response was cold and unfeeling. / Was it? What should I have said?

"Okay, I guess I deserve that after what I did to you." She moves closer to me and my body is flooded with a plethora of emotions, all for this woman. She seems to be fighting back tears. This is becoming more confusing. "I don't blame you for being upset at me after what happened, but I promise I will make it up to you, just give me the chance please, I'll make it up to you." She's pleading with me, my only response it to take her within my arms and hold her. Confusion. As her tears seep through my garment I cannot help but think that I like the feeling of her against me like this. It sounds selfish.

"Please, do not cry." What could she have possibly done that would result in my being upset at her? What has happened between us? Whatever it is she seems to have placed the blame solely on herself.

After her breathing begins to calm, she pulls herself back. Instantly I miss her touch. I can see that she is with-child; in fact she appears to be nearly half way through her gestation. That's it! I must be her mate, and my name must be Martouf. She opens her mouth as if to speak but stops herself.

"Lantash… Oh god you have no idea how much I've missed you." Lantash? I thought my name was Martouf. Then who is Martouf? A friend? Perhaps… a lover? Is he the father of this child? Jealousy runs throughout my body and I can't help but feel angry and hurt. Something inside me soothes me, as if holding me in an embrace and I begin to calm down again.

"With what name did you refer to me by?"

"Lantash." This upsets her. "You don't remember who you are?" At least now I am not the only one who is confused.

"I... I am…" What is my name?

"Hold on." There's panic in her eyes.

"Where are you going?" I tighten my grip on her hand. I do not want her leaving; her presence is the only thing preventing me from losing my sanity. The voice in my head is only adding to the confusion I'm already feeling.

She looks at me and smiles, then leaning over she gives me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm not leaving you, I promise. I'm just going to reach over and call Janet in here."

"Janet?"

"Yeah, she's uhmm, the doctor who's overseeing your care." She walks across the room and proceeds to pick up an odd instrument against the wall. From what I can gather, it is some form of a communication device. "Janet… he's awake. I need you here as soon as possible." She's whispering into the instrument, but I can hear her perfectly even through the distance. "There's something wrong."

Something wrong? What could be wrong? I feel quite well at the moment, I've even managed to dissipate whatever pain I was feeling when I had awoken. In fact, I feel as if I'm in perfect health /aside from the fact that you don't know who you are. / I agree. What? who are you/I know as much as you do my friend. / This is ludicrous, why am I speaking to myself?

She returns to my side and looks at me. She doesn't know what to say to me, anymore than I know what to say to her. Dear universe, I have never seen anyone so beautiful. Something inside of me urges me to pull her in for an embrace, so I willingly comply. We remain this way, for a moment, simply enjoying one another's touch. But soon we are interrupted by a hoard of people entering the room.

Janet Frasier, General Hammond, and the rest of SG-1 rush into the infirmary. None could believe what they saw next. Sam was sitting on the bed with Martouf/ Lantash, holding each other. But more importantly he was awake. No one dared to say it out load, but they all thought the same thing that he was essentially a goner, after all, he had been in a progressive coma since being pulled out of stasis and not even the help of a symbiote could pull him out of it.

Janet immediately rushed to Martouf, pulling out a pen light from her pocket, she began to check the dilations in his retina. He quickly attempted to pull away from her, but she was insistent upon continuing her check up. "Do you have any idea where you are?"

"I was hoping you would inform me."

"Okay, follow my finger," she continued as she moved her finger from left to right. Lantash didn't understand the purpose of it, but complied to her wishes anyway. "Any idea who you are?"

"Ahh…"

"How about you're host?"

"My host?"

"Yes, the man who's body you reside in?"

"This isn't my body?"

"No, you share it with your host. Do you remember his name?"

"That explains the voices within my head."

"Yes it would."

"Schizophrenia."

"You know this word?" Janet didn't understand where he would've heard it, but Sam smiled at the memory it brought forth in her mind. Their first meeting.

"I remember hearing it."

"I see. Mind I speak to your host?"

"Of course," There was a long pause as Lantash attempted to allow the inner voice forward, "How do I…?" Suddenly he felt himself being pulled back as another presence came forth to speak.

"Hello."

"Martouf?"

"Is that who I am?"

"You don't remember anything either?"

"I am only aware of small flashes of memory, nothing coherent. So my name is Martouf?"

"Yes."

"And the other voice, he is Lantash?" \So you are the one she dreams of. Are we both mated with her, or just you?\Lantash asked his host.

/I do not know, perhaps we should ask?/

\Not here, it may be a private matter.\

/Perhaps you are correct./

"Martouf? Are you alright?" As he was having an internal conversation, and for a brief moment forgotten that Janet was still talking to him, interrogating him so that she may gauge just how much damage had been done to his brain.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was speaking to someone."

"Lantash."

"Yes."

"I see. Well as far as I can tell you're perfectly fine, physically. It's amazing, it's as if you didn't just wake up from a coma. Unless of course you take into consideration the fact that you can't remember anything. We should contact the Tok'ra."

"The Tok'ra."

"Yes, your people."

"My people? If the Tok'ra are my people than why am I here under you're care. Who are you?"

"It's a long story, besides, I'd like for you to gain back as much of your memories on your own."

"What if I never remember?"

Janet paused for a second before answering the question, if such was the case, the prognosis would not be a good one. "Well, it could mean that there are some underlying problems, perhaps brain damage. But on the bright side, you seem perfectly healthy to me, I don't see why you can't make a full recovery." Sam moved closer to Martouf and took his hand in hers, offering him a reassuring smile.

"Janet you won't mind if I just have a moment alone with him please?"

"Of course." As Janet guided everyone else out of the room, Sam simply stared at him in amazement.

"I can't believe you're here now, that you're alive and ok."

"I love you." He simply stated. Martouf didn't know what else to say except for what was most clear to him. The regular Martouf would not have been so candid with his feelings, but with no memories of his past, he had no inhibitions. She smiled and took a deep breath as tears of happiness fell down her cheeks.

"I love you too, and I love Lantash, I love you both so much. I thought I'd never hear you say those words."

"Why would you think such a thing? Are we not mated?"

"It's complicated."

"I see… Where is the complication if we are both equally in love with one another?"

She wished she had known that earlier. He was right, so long as there was that strong bond between them, the complications of their working environment and distance could've been worked out. It's just a shame they were too afraid to confess their feelings, so many things could have been different. But now was not the time to dwell. He moved over slightly to offer her a seat on the bed.

"When the Tok'ra come, they'll want you to go back with them."

"I must leave you?" Sam nodded her head, eyes fixed upon the floor unable to look into his. "Do you want me to leave you?"

"No."

"Then I will not."

"I don't think there's really a choice in the matter."

"Samantha, there is always a choice."

"You remembered my name?"

"What?"

"My name, I never told you my name, but you remembered it." She smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. The feelings that flooded her were overwhelming. No longer was she depressed and alone, she had them back now and nothing was going to take them away from her ever again.


	6. Happy Days to Come

Martouf and Lantash had been dispatched by Dr. Fraiser, and they were given private quarters at the SGC while they waited for any word from the Tok'ra. In the meantime, Sam had to go back to work, leaving them alone.

/Such strange things here Lantash./

\Indeed. Is this the…Tee-Vee which Samantha spoke of?\

/I believe so, but where is the control device which activates it? Ahh.. There, by the sleeping platform, that must be it./

Martouf sat on the bed with his legs crossed in front of him. He pressed several buttons until finally one caused the t.v. to turn on.

"Live from New York, its Saturday Night!" the sounds were followed by cheers and laughter, but he could not see the source of such jubilation. Then there were flashes of people's likeness with their names announced. He kept it on this channel for several minutes, though was disappointed when after some time he was still unable to see the humor in any of it.

/It must be Tau'ri humor Lantash./

\Perhaps there is something else on. Change it Martouf.\

"Are you ready kids!"

"Aye Aye Captain!"

"I can't hear you!"

"Aye Aye Captain!"

/What in the universe…"/

"Oohhh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!"

"SpongeBob SquarePants!"

\Sponge what?\

"Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!"

"SpongeBob SquarePants!"

\This is too strange Martouf.\

/Indeed, lets see what else is available./

Coincidentally, the next channel they turned to featured a rerun of and episode of MacGyver.

/That man looks oddly familiar./

knock-knock

"Martouf, can I come in?"

"Samantha! Ahh, of course, enter." Martouf rushed to answer the door, and there she was, as beautiful as ever, and smiling the sweetest smile.

"Hi"

"Hello."

"Uhm. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that ah, that we just received news from the Tok'ra."

"I see."

"They said they won't be able to send anyone here for another week." She paused momentarily, trying to determine what to say next. "So, uhm…" Martouf waited patiently. "I was thinking, since you know, this isn't exactly the Hilton, maybe you'd be more comfortable staying with me in the meantime?"

"I would love that Samantha."

"Really?" she smiled. "I was actually thinking about taking the week off, maybe spend some quality time together?" Martouf didn't respond, he simply took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. A smile lingered on her lips as they ended their kiss. "We gotta get you some cloths first."

Martouf looked down at his attire, he didn't see the problem, they were the same as everyone else's. "Are these not suitable?"

"Not quite." She smiled, "c'mon."

Martouf and Lantash were amazed at the sights that lay before them, they both took turns being in control as they entered store after store. Earlier Sam made sure to inform them that under no circumstance was Lantash to use his natural voice or allow his eyes to glow. He made no objection to her request, seeing that this was not his world and the inhabitants in it were apparently not familiar with his race. Regardless, he still was able to fully enjoy the experience.

\The Tau'ri sure do like their clothing, and food, and numerous other things which proved to have no other purpose than entertainment.\ 

Something about all this told him it was impractical for his particular lifestyle. The Tok'ra have only what they need, frequent movements and dangerous missions allowed for nothing more. He mainly enjoyed watching Samantha as she walked about picking out jeans and shirts for him to wear. She seemed so happy, as if nothing could change her mood.

They walked past a baby store and Samantha paused in front of the window. Lantash came behind her, wrapped her arms around her and gently rubbed the swelling of her stomach. He placed a gentle kiss upon her head and watched her smile upon the reflection of the window. "We should go in." he whispered to her. With a nod, they walked hand in hand into the store full of little booties, cribs, strollers and baby bottles.

After spending several hours at the mall Samantha turned the key of her house and opened the door. For some reason things appeared far different from before. The air seemed fresher, warmer, and more open. The grim aura which had enveloped the place was now gone. Nothing had been moved, nothing touched since she was there last. But one thing was different, Martouf and Lantash were with her.

"This is it. It's not big or gorgeous or anything, but its home."

"It is beautiful Samantha. But you live here alone, by yourself?"

"Yeah."

"I see. May I ask a question?" he said as he followed her example and placed the bags down in floor.

"Sure shoot…" he didn't quite understand her manner of speech. "It means go ahead and ask."

"You had mentioned earlier that our situation was… complicated. What has happened between us that has, until this very moment, prevented us from being with one another?" she wasn't quite prepared for his candidness.

"Martouf I… I don't know if I'm ready to talk about this right now. Maybe its best if you start to remember on your own."

"No Samantha, I must know it from you, I must know your views on the subject."

Sam took a deep breath, then proceeded to guide them into the living room. She sat facing them with her legs tucked beneath her. She was fidgeting with the pillow she placed on her lap, gathering the words that would most accurately convey her emotions.

"Martouf when I first met you, I had absolutely no idea who you were but I had all these feelings and emotions towards you that I couldn't even begin to understand. They weren't mine, that was all I knew. Our people became allies, and so we became friends." She paused momentarily, trying to prevent the tears from falling, "my heart broke every time I saw you because I had no idea whether or not you were seeing me or… or if you were seeing…"

"Jolinar."

"Yes." She said. Sam could not stop the tears from falling. She tried to maintain some appearance but it was getting harder as the moments passed by. There was an air of tension between them as she fought the urge to build her wall around her. Something in his eyes prevented her from building it up again. He truly sought to understand her, and be there should she fall.

"You came to me after her death, seeking the Tok'ra. I knew not who you were, but you looked to me as if you could trust me. You still can Samantha. I have never led you to believe otherwise."

"You're starting to remember?"

"Yes, though only very little, and only those which pertain to you. Please, continue."

Sam wondered why the things which he remembered were only the things which involved her, but she shook off her curiosity and continued on with her explanations before she lost the courage to do so. "Overtime it was getting pretty obvious that the feelings I had for you weren't just Jolinar's anymore, but mine too. Its just, things were so complicated between us: my being host to Jolinar, you and I never seeing each other, the differences between our people; it never could've worked out. And I wasn't about to give it a chance because I knew you could never love me the way you loved her."

"What would lead you to conclude such a thing?"

"Oh come on Martouf, lets be serious okay. You never really saw me when you looked at me. You only saw the fact that I carried a part of her with me."

"That is untrue Samantha." She gave an incredulous scoff at his response. How could she believe him when they never even had the chance to really get to know her, and if they did, would they have taken it?

"Perhaps we do not know the little things about you; that when you work you focus better with music, or that when you take a break, you like to do so eating what you call 'blue Jell-O'. But we know the important things, Samantha. We know that your intelligence surpasses that of the people of your world, that you have great loyalty to your friends and loved ones, and not only are you a beautiful woman, but a strong warrior amongst your people. Even a blind fool could see these things about you."

Sam was taken aback. She didn't realize either of them knew those things about her. Either she was just really predictable, or they really did see her for her and not just because she was host to Jolinar.

"I do see you my love. I have cared for you since the moment I met you and loved you since our time together in Naetu. But by the gods, Samantha; I have been a fool. I should have told you this the moment I knew. At the very latest, I should've told you that night, when we were together. I feared you would not feel the same, I feared your heart belonged to another. I knew perhaps there was a chance you would regret it, but I needed you then so badly I could not help myself."

"My only regret that night was not telling you. I'm glad it happened, Martouf, and I'm glad I have so much to look forward to as a result. I love you so much, and the thought of having something that's a part of you growing inside me… I can't describe the feeling but I feel so blessed by it." She said as she buried her face in his shoulders and held him tightly. He kissed her sweetly on her head before allowing Lantash to come forth.

"Samantha. That night, before… I remember it so clearly, I remember holding you, and loving you. You are so beautiful my love. I should've told you then that I loved you. I am sorry for all the pain you have been going through. If I could take it away I..."

"Lantash stop. It doesn't matter anymore, you're here now."

"Yes but for how long?" The tears in her eyes fell again as the sound of those words, she realized what was to come. The emptiness of not being able to be together filled her again. "How long before the Tok'ra come and demand that I return with them through the chapai'i? Samantha, look at me." He said, pulling her chin up so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "I will not leave you. I promise you now that I will never leave you."

"Lantash that might not even be possible."

"I have been brought back from the dead and into the arms of my love. Anything is possible. You and I will be together. I promise you I will find a way." He said as he captured her lips in his. 

Shortly after, their kiss deepened. Their need for one another which had for so long gone unanswered finally became too difficult to ignore. He moaned as she gently ran her hands down his chest and to the bottom of his t-shirt. She placed feather light touches on his skin before bringing her hand down again to remove his shirt; exposing the handsome physique beneath it.

Lantash ran his fingers through her hair, stopping at the back of her head to pull her closer to him. One hand traveled down to cup her breast, and she sighed deeply at the pleasure she felt as a result. One by one he undid the buttons on her blouse, following his fingers with sweet kisses. He lovingly kissed her stomach before continuing to remove the rest of her clothing. She then helped him to remove the last of his clothing as she made her way down to cover his engorged manhood with her mouth. He moaned and his muscles tensed as she increased her pace. With her other hand she gently played with his scrotum. She looked up and was captivated as she saw his eyes gazing lustfully into hers.

Martouf fame forth and changed their positions, gently placing her on her side to lie before him. Inserting one finger within her, he tested her readiness for him. Not surprisingly, she was fully open for him now. Gently he positioned himself within her and slowly entered her warm channel. His pace began slowly, lovingly, and carefully, so as not to harm his unborn child in the process.

They both collapsed, sated. Sam turned around to face her loves, a smile crossed her face as she saw Martouf smiling back. He pushed the hair away from her face to see the sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. "I love you Samantha."

"I love you too Martouf." She said, and with that he pulled her in and kissed her as if his life depended on it.


	7. Stay

Rays of sun seeped brightly through the curtains in her bedroom window. Martouf stood to open the curtains, allowing all the warmth to flow through. "It is a beautiful day my love." He said to her. She sighed, not making any attempt to get out of bed. "What is the matter?"

"Martouf, this past week has been so amazing." She sat up as he came down beside her. He pushed a strand of hair behind her ears and smiled warmly.

"I know my love. You have shown me many things that I now believe I will never see such wonders in other worlds. So then why do you seem as though you are not feeling all too well. Has your nausea returned, are you feeling lightheaded?" he began to worry.

"No, no. It's not that, its just… The Tok'ra will be coming today."

"And?"

"And, that's it. You'll leave and I'll just go back to feeling empty again. It'll be business as usual."

"Have we not told you a thousand times that we will remain here with you? We made a promise never to leave you. We are men of our words Samantha."

"It's not about you, or me, or us. It's about the Tok'ra-Earth alliance. If they want you to go back with them…"

"Then they will have to suffer, because nothing could make me leave your side."

"Promise me."

"I promise I will never leave you my love."

"Sir! They're coming in fast!"

"Dial the gate Breker!"

"Yes Sir! Aarrghhh!"

"Breker! Man down! Lt, pick him up, let's go people move it!"

"I'm sorry Colonel, but there was nothing we could do for him. He'd already lost too much blood."

"Thanks Doc, you did your best." Colonel Reynolds sat next to his friend's bed with his head in his hands. Not only had Breker been a damn good second in command, but he'd been a damn good friend as well. All the heroics and countless dangerous missions had left the man with nothing to show for his efforts. Survived only by his younger sister, he had no other family to mourn him. No other family that is except for his team. Major Brooks would now be taking Breker's place as second in command of SG-3. But Reynold's would still have to find an additional member for his team. Having to replace his friend and colegue so soon after his death made him feel like scum.

"He was a good friend of yours." Reynolds was shocked and brought back to the present, standing before him was a man he knew only by reputation.

"Ahh yeah. Yeah, we go way back."

"It is difficult to lose someone you care for. Even more difficult knowing that you have no other choice but to move on without them."

"I take it you go through this sort of thing a lot, what with you being a Tok'ra and all."

"I suppose. Though I don't really remember any specific incident."

"Right. I heard you have amnesia or something. Word travels fast around here. You're Carter's guy right, the one that's been in a coma the past couple of months?"

"Was it that long? Lantash should have healed me sooner than that." i \I am sorry my friend, I meant nothing by it.\

/It is alright, I know that./

\Perhaps the zar'tac technology was far more damaging that we had initially guessed it to be\ /i 

"You know you guys are lucky to have each other. Everyone here's pretty shocked at her little turn-around since you and the baby. It's like she's happy for once. Breker, you know he never really found that i one /i . He was pretty focused on his job here, I don't think he would've let anything get in the way of that. And now look where it got him, shot down by some blind follower worshipping those bastard goa'uld. Tell you what though, those assholes are gonna pay for what they did to him."

"The feeling is mutual. The Goa'uld are ruthless murderers, pillagers, and who knows what other atrocities they are responsible for throughout the universe. I would have nothing more than to one day see them all on their knees begging for mercy."

"Hey, I'll drink to that." Martouf and Reynolds took a moment to sit in silence, staring at the stiffened body of Major Greker: friend, brother, hero. "Guess I better get going if I'm gonna talk to his sister. It was nice to finally meet you, Martouf right?"

"Pleasure meeting you as well…"

"Colonel Reynolds, but call me Mike."

"Receiving Tok'ra IDC Sir."

"Open the iris, responded General Hammond."

"You ready?" Sam asked as Lantash took control.

"I am. Are you?"

"Heh. No." He took her hand in his and kissed it softly. Just as he did so three figures walked through the event horizon, Jacob, Lyna, and Anise. "God, why did i she /i have to come?" she said under a hushed tone. The couple walked down to greet their visitors. Jacob quickly ran to his daughter and took her in for a huge hug.

"Sammy sweatie, how are you doing?"

"I'm great Dad, yourself?"

"Better now that I know you're ok. Martouf, Lantash, how are you? Glad to see you up and about, you guys gave us quite a scare there." Lantash tilted his head in confusion as the old man greeted them. "O..kay."

"Dad, they have amnesia."

"What?"

"What is amnesia, Major Carter?" Freya asked.

"It means that they don't remember anything. Well, they remember some things, just not a lot."

"You say they both have it?" As far Lyna was concerned, she had never heard of any Tok'ra symbiote or host as having suffered from a loss of memory.

"Yes."

"I am however remembering small fragments, more and more each day."

"I think we should discuss this more in the briefing." Suggested General Hammond.

Sam sat between her father and Martouf, one hand on her growing belly, the other entwined with her love's hand beneath the table. She sat silently, fearful of what may come of the briefing.

Anise - "Upon further research of the zar'tac technology, we have reason to believe that two blasts from a zat'nika'tel proves to be an effective means of removing the programming. A single blast is ineffective…"

Jacob – "But apparently you short circuit the thing with the culmination of energy from both the first and second blast. Sammy you saved his life by doing what you did." He said as he looked at his daughter. Her heart lifted at hearing her father's words. For so long she had blamed herself for his death, any unhappiness she felt was brought about only by her. She was disgusted with herself, thinking she had killed the two people she loved and cared for more than anything else.

Lyna – "We did not; however, account for the loss of memory. Although, we assumed that a minute amount of brain damage would occur, but the effects appear to be only temporary. I would not be surprised to see that your memory returns to you in full."

Martouf – "And if it doesn't?"

Lyna – "Then it will be a long process of rebuilding and restrengthening the connections in your brain that you had lost. Both the healing and memory devices would be essential. But there is also a risk of building new connections that may negatively affect your memory."

Fraiser – "In other words he would end up remembering things that didn't actually happen?"

Lyna – "Yes. His memories would be severely flawed."

Fraiser – "That's amazing, that you can rebuild neural pathways."

Lyna – "Theoretically you know it to be possible Doctor Fraiser, however you have not yet developed that sort of technology. The Tok'ra on the other hand, have."

Sam – "So what happens now?"

Selmak – "Now that Martouf and Lantash are healed, with a few minor exceptions, they will return with us to the…"

Lantash – "No." Everyone in the room, except Sam, looked to him with shock. O'Neil didn't think he liked where it was heading. As happy as he was that Martouf and Lantash were alive, and for Sam's new found happiness, he wasn't sure he could stand the heartache on a daily basis. And it occurred to him, he would also have to deal with Lantash's arrogant and smug attitude.

Selmak – "Lantash…"

Martouf – "With all do respect High Councellor, but what Lantash meant is that we have no intention of leaving Samantha."

Selmak – "With all do respect Martouf," he retorted, "but I don't think you have any say in the matter." / i I am sorry Jacob, but you know his place is with us. He is far too important an operative /

\I know Sel, I just wish it didn't have to be that way.\ /i 

Hammond – "To tell you the truth Jake, I have no objection to it."

O'Neil – "General?"

Hammond – "The Tok'ra already have one of our own serving as a liaison amongst them. It's only fair, as far as the alliance is concerned, that we have one of your people helping us out here. If Martouf and Lantash want to volunteer for the position I have no objection to it."

Jacob – "If it's alright George, I still have to ask the higher ups on this one. The council has to agree to it."

Hammond – "Fine by me. In the meantime, I'll look for a team to place Martouf and Lantash in.


	8. Special Request

Martouf and Samantha waited for the council's deliberation. It had been several hours. General Hammond and few members of the Tok'ra were discussing still Martouf/Lantash's possible future, whether on Earth or with the Tokra. Along with General Hammond, Jacob argued on their behalf. The decision should not have been this difficult, which made Sam worry even more, but Martouf was trying his best to make her forget even for just one moment.

"That tickles." He smiled, gently kissing her stomach as she laid on the bed giggling.

"What shall we name her my love?"

"I don't know, I never really thought about it." She squirmed and laughed as he tickled her once more. "What makes you think this baby's gonna be a girl?"

"I don't know, perhaps it is because I wish to see more people in this world that are like you. Such beauty, and selflessness would make the universe worthwhile."

"Why is it that you always say the right things at the right time?"

"Centuries of experience my love," he smiled at her. Samantha felt blessed, at that exact moment her life was just perfect. She leaned in and kissed him softly as he placed his hand behind her head to bring her closer to him. A knock on the door brought them out of their reverie.

"Sir, your presence is requested at the briefing room. Ma'am, "Said the airman. He walked off after delivering his message. They took a deep breath before heading out of Martouf's quarters and down the hall. The walk to the room was silent; when they finally reached their destination they were greeted by Jacob and General. "Sam, you're gonna have to wait outside while we talk to Martouf."

"What?"

"It's Tok'ra business Sweetheart, you understand."

"Uh, no I don't actually."

"Samantha, it's alright. I will discuss matters with you later."

"Lantash."

"Samantha." He gave her an empathetic look, begging for her to understand that they were not to push things with the Tok'ra council.

"Don't make me have to make this an order Major." The General said sternly.

"Fine. I'll be right outside if you need anything." She gave her lover a swift kiss before leaving the room, disregarding rules about public affection to spite the two Generals. Once she was gone they took their seats. It was Selmak who spoke first.

"As you know Lantash, such a request must be made in person. Though considering the recent circumstances, I have made sure to bring the issue to light. Still, they insist that you return to the base and speak to the council yourself."

"Selmak, I will not leave Samantha. I worry that considering her emotional state, such an event could cause damage, and in turn affect her health."

"No one understands that more than I. Unfortunately the Council will not negotiate on this matter. They consider you to be a valuable member of the Tok'ra, and there has been much debate brought on by this request." Lantash sat silently for a moment staring at the table. He was not going to take no for an answer, as far as he was concerned his loyalty was to Martouf and Samantha, and now also their unborn child. Martouf also felt the same. The Council have had their way for centuries, they were a stubborn group.

"We will leave as soon as you are prepared."

"Son, I hope you understand that whatever the decision is, you are more than welcome here." General Hammond added.

"Thank-you General, your words mean a great deal to both Martouf and I."

As they stood to bring about the end to the discussions, Martouf came fore. "Jacob," his voice failed to hide the anxiety he was feeling at the moment, "in your honest opinion, what do you think the council will decide?"

"You know the vote doesn't have to be unanimous. But trust me when I say you have my full support. I'll be damned if I have to watch my little girl's heart break all over again."

"Thank-you, Jacob. In the short time that I have known you, you have become a great friend to me."

"Hey don't sweat it, we're family now. But just incase, we're bringing Daniel along. I'm sure he'll come up with some genius diplomatic excuse to bring you here."

"You cannot deny that Lantash has proven to be a valuable member of the Tok'ra. We need him still! Such a loss would be a detriment to our cause."

"Yes, yes I understand your point Nalla. But losing a member of your race is different from having them move to another planet. Besides, he'll still be serving your cause, he'll be helping in strengthening the alliance between our peoples."

"Your people will gain the knowledge and skill of the Tok'ra, what do you have to offer us in return?"

"Well believe it or not there are actually some members of the SGC who are very curious to learn more about you, on a first hand basis. I've brought up the idea of an exchange program to my superiors, and so far there have been no objections."

"Why would your people choose to live with us when many seem to be disgusted with the idea of even being near a symbiote."

"Not everyone feels that way."

"We are not here to place blame or fuel the existing tensions between our peoples. We are here to discuss the future of one of our own."

"My apologies, Lord Persus."

"There is also another matter to consider."

"Yes Garshaw."

"Martouf and Lantash serve best as operatives. Martouf is fast becoming a familiar face amongst the Goa'uld. Soon he will no longer be able to infiltrate as a spy. What will he do when that happens?"

Lord Persus paused for a moment before answering, "I have been observing his performance prior to the zar'tac incident. It was my hope that he be promoted to the council." No one was shocked by his statement, many members of the council were looking to Martouf and Lantash to work along side them. Which also was a reason for their reluctance. They had also been nominated several times as a candidate for base commander. It was a surprise to Jacob that Malek and Garshaw were on his side, wanting him to live on Earth.

Lantash had spend the last several hours listening to the council members argue amongst themselves. Rather than being in the center of the room, he was now back in his old quarters, waiting. Daniel, Jacob, and Malek had done their best to help his case, but there were others who were strongly opposed to the idea. Their arguments had been quite convincing.

Martouf picked up a necklace upon his desk.

c i "It is beautiful."

"Yes, it was my mothers."

"I cannot accept such a gift."

"You must." Martouf gently tied the clasp around Rosha's neck. He then rubbed her shoulders soothingly. "It has been passed down for generations, to honor a true love. My father gave it to my mother, when he asked for her to become his Maharai (Cherished One), and now I am giving it to you. Rosha, Jolinar, I ask that you become our Maharai." He waited patiently for her answers as tears welled up in her eyes. A brilliant smile graced her face. "Yes, yes of course. We love you so much, we will never deny you anything my loves." /c /i 

Martouf and Lantash remembered the joy of that evening, the pain of losing Rosha and Jolinar. Although Lantash and Jolinar had long been together, they had never been bonded in such an official way until Martouf insisted upon it. They had many wonderful years together. Now it was time to have many wonderful years with their Samantha.

'Samantha.' He thought. After everything that happened with her and Jolinar, she should've been repulsed, should've hated the Tok'ra. He knew she was an amazing woman, but without his memories he never truly understood. For someone to take the best out of that sort of situation, and create with it a beautiful future… She was his reason for fighting, his purpose for living. He laid in bed, wondering what she was doing at that very moment.

"They should be here for this." She said as she laid on the examination bed.

"I know." Janet squeezed out the jello-like substance onto her stomach.

"Wow that's cold."

"But you can't just skip out on your exams just because they're not with you."

"I know. It's just…"

"I know… You ready?"

"Yeah"

"Okay. Check it out." Sam tilted her head towards the monitor by her side.

"Oh wow." Silence reigned over her as she smiled, staring at the image of her child on the monitor.

"So do you wanna know?"

"Know what?" she asked as she turned her head to her friend.

"The baby, do you wanna know if it's a boy or girl?"

"No." Sam smiled. "It should be a surprise."

"Enter." General Hammond said to the figure behind the door to his office. He looked up from signing paper work to see Colonel Reynolds standing before him.

"Sir, about the replacement for Brecker, I have a special request, Sir."

"Sit down. What is it?"

"Well, I was thinking. You allowed Teal'c to join SG1, I was hoping you would allow the Tok'ra Martouf and Lantash to become a member of my team. That is ofcourse if they're ok with it, and your ok with it, Sir."

"Let me get this straight… rather than assigning one of the many qualified personnel lined up, you want an alien on your team?"

"Yes Sir." Although he hid his personal opinions, Hammond was glad to see that so many people were already considering Martouf and Lantash as one of their own. Soon, the alliance will no longer be just a political agreement, there was definitely potential for the Tok'ra and the people of earth to become true friends.

"May I ask where this is coming from"

"Well for one thing, I know they're high ranking in their world. That's gotta say something right? I believe their skill and knowledge will be advantageous during our missions. But more importantly, Sir, I need someone that I not only respect, but someone I can put my trust in Sir."

"Very well Colonel. I'll take your request into consideration. But we still don't even know yet if they're going to be transferring here. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you."

"Thank-you General, I understand."

"Is there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"No Sir, that's pretty much it. Thanks for your time General." And with that Reynolds walked briskly out of the office.

martouf is asked to go back to tok'ra home world, surprise, they give him a promotion as commander of tok'ra that will be living w/ the tau'ri, similar position as Hammond. Sam remains on earth, still worries about deliberation, has exam, is asked if she wants to know sex of baby, she says no. martouf returns, tells sam the news. Yaay Reynolds initiates welcoming attitude towards arrival of new tok'ra, staving off most of the criticism, lantash is grateful for his efforts they become good friends. They also become good friends w/ o'neil as he gains more respect & understanding for the tok'ra.


	9. Herceisses

There was no denying that Daniel was tired beyond belief. He had been sitting in the same position for several hours listening to the same exact arguments. They had taken a brief respite from their deliberations, during which he took the opportunity to check up on his friend. Martouf and Lantash were getting more and more worried as time went on. He had been staring at the same picture of Sam for hours, thinking about her health, thinking about their baby. Daniel too was worried for Sam, however moreso her heart than her health.

"And what of his child?" Daniel perked up at Delek's mention of the baby.

"What about the child?" Jacob answered defensively.

"It will be herceisses, it will have all of the memories of Lantash and his hosts."

"Where are you getting at Delek?"

"It will be a danger to the Tok'ra should the goa'uld get their hands on it." He scowled. The council members looked at one another in full understanding of the situation. "We cannot allow for that to be a possibility." Jacob was beyond angry. This was his grandkid they were talking about, how dare they?!

"The child is no concern of ours Delek!" Selmak shouted back. "He or she will be the responsibility of Martouf, Lantash, and Samantha. We have no say in how he will be raised."

"Raised?! You will allow a herceisses with all the memories of a Tok'ra to endanger our kind? Do you not think, oh wise Selmak, that the goa'uld will simply allow for it to roam free? Your personal attachments to this particular case have blinded you. Perhaps you should be removed from this deliberation."

"That is enough Delek!" Lord Per'sus knew that Delek was right. Such a child is a threat to the Tok'ra. But the mere thought of Delek's suggestions nauseated him, he would not succumb to the level of the goa'uld, even to protect his people. "True that this child will be sought after. But if not this child, than the goa'uld will surely find something else they desire. I am no more willing to succumb to their level than I'm sure any of you in this room are. Destroying an innocent is characteristic of a goa'uld, i not /i of the tok'ra! We are better than this! We will take our chances with this child. I would rather die than lose all that it means to be tok'ra. Perhaps it is you Delek, who has been blinded. Your loyalty to our cause has made you forget that we are not alone. There are innocents within the universe to whom we must be loyal to as well. There will be no further discussions regarding this child. It is for Lantash, Martouf, and Samantha to deal with now. I offer them the best of luck, fore it will not be an easy thing. Now…" He continued." The decision has been made, before we continue with the vote is there anything anyone would like to add?" No one spoke. Delek only held his head in shame, how could he have been so heartless? He will have much to say to Martouf and Lantash before all this was over, starting with an apology.


	10. Insecurities

The blue of the crystal walls did not provide the same illuminating warmth as it normally would. Like a dimmed interrogation room with a single desk light transfixed upon a suspect, Martouf could feel all eyes boring into his every being. The prospect of what was to come stood clear in his mind.

"Martouf and Lantash, for centuries you have served the Tok'ra well. You have proven yourselves to be great and selfless warriors. Few can be considered braver. In light of your request, the council has gone to great lengths to come to a fair deliberation. Are you ready to hear it?" As Martouf and Lantash listened to the words that Master Garshaw spoke, they felt the sound of their heartbeat overcame them. thud thud. Thud thud. Though in their minds, their decision was already made; a greater part of them still wanted the blessing and approval of the Tok'ra; their family, their friends, the only thing that Lantash has known since the beginning of his existence. He never thought he'd see the day when he would choose to abandon his people. The very idea of it pained him. Lantash hoped with all hope that today would not have to be that day. He took a deep breath. "Yes. We are ready." He answered.

"Because you hold such value amongst our people, and our numbers are becoming so few, we cannot allow for you to simply leave the Tok'ra…"

His heart sank, his face were soon buried in his hands. The pulse from his temples throbbed as sweat dripped slowly down, touching his fingers ever so slightly. Time had slowed. He could feel his chest and throat tightening with every breath he took.

"…Therefore we have come to a conclusion, that we believe all sides can agree with."

i I can never agree to this, /i Martouf thought, i a life without Samantha is… /i Lantash didn't finish the sentence for him as he normally would, as if saying it would be admitting the possibility.

"Lantash, Martouf, we ask that you stand before Lord Per'sus in the center of the room."

i /What is going on Lantash?/

/If they wish to destroy us, they are succeeding./ /i 

"Lantash, Martouf, I ask that you kneel before the council." Reluctantly they did as they were told. "For your valor, your cunning, and for all that you have done to benefit the Tok'ra in the fight against the Goa'uld, we reward you this honor." As Lord Per'sus placed the insignia upon Martouf's shoulder. It was onee of the highest honors a Tok'ra could receive; laced with brilliant colors, it represented all that it meant to be Tok'ra: loyalty, strength, freedom, courage, hope. In the middle was a symbol he knew far too well, one that represented the heart of Egeria. The rest of the council bowed their heads in respect.

i /They are honoring us Lantash!/

\I know.\

/Why would they do this? Why now?/

\Perhaps they are trying to convince us of a reason to stay?\

/There must be more to this than meets the eye./ /i 

"Before you stand, there is one more thing…"

Before Per'sus could continue with the deliberation-turned-ceremony, the meeting was interrupted by a young centurion. He had been running, his face was flustered and his breath heavily irregular. "Lord Per'sus!"

"What is it Donyu?"

"My Lord, we have received word that a Goa'uld mother ship approaches. They will reach the planet within two days. We must evac…" Donyu barely had the chance to complete his sentence when several of the council members ran out of the room, giving orders here and there for evacuation.

"Have we sent scouts to the next world?"

"Yes Master Garshaw, but they have returned."

"Why did they not prepare it for our arrival and begin growing the new crystals?" asked Selmak.

"From the moment they arrived on the planet, several tel'taks were on pursuit. They gated to several worlds before returning here. We have received information that the next several planets to which we planned to evacuate were compromised as well."

"How could this be?" The young centurion could not provide an answer, instead, he stood with a look of fear in his face.

"What are we to do now?" Asked Delek.

"Daniel Jackson."

"Yeah."

"Would it be possible to evacuate the Tok'ra of this base to your world? Temporarily ofcourse"

"I think we can make it happen."

"Good. Once there, we will have to test all Tok'ra and determine who has betrayed us. You!" Lantash was beginning to bark out orders as if it was second nature to him. "Destroy all the chambers as soon as they become emptied. Be sure that every one packs the most essential items first." He was taking command of the situation without a moments hesitation. Soon movements throughout the tunnels flowed like a steady stream as everyone worked together to maximize safety and efficacy. The same questions ran through everyone's minds. i Who could've done this? What will become of the Tok'ra? Are we truly safe among the Tau'ri? /i 

Sam and Janet slowly meandered through the aisles of 'Babies R Us'. They had gone there along with Cassie, who went MIA as soon as she stepped through the double doors. Excitement having had the best of her, the eager teen began picking up every cute, but unnecessary, item she could find, thus giving Sam and her mother a private moment. Janet was determined to take Sam's mind away from missing her lovers. Beside all the jokes and laughter, Sam's smile would occasionally give way to a saddened expression. At one instant Janet could've sworn she saw the look of loneliness on her friend's face.

"They're gonna come back you know."

"I know." Sam said in a hushed tone.

"I'm serious, you say it but do you really believe it?" There was no response. "Sam come on, you can tell me."

"No, it's silly." She shrugged.

"Obviously not. Tell me."

"There's nothing to say."

"Yes there is, tell me."

Sam sighed. When Janet was persistent, she was damn persistent. There was no winning. "Promise you won't laugh even though it's really cheesy?"

"Cross my heart." She responded, drawing the figure across her chest.

Sam didn't really want to say what she felt. All those little insecurities were for women with nothing else better to do with their time than dwell and over analyze everything, certainly this wasn't the form of behavior expected of a Major in the USAF. At the same time, she felt as though she'd simply explode if she didn't get it out of her soon. "Its just. I dunno, you know, when I'm with them its fine, everything's great. Everythings… i right /i "

"But?"

"But. Now that they're gone, I'm having all this time to think and all these doubts keep coming up and…"

"Whoa whoa whoa. What are you saying you're starting to regret what's happened?"

"What? No of course not…" she answered as if it was the most preposterous thing she'd ever heard. How could she regret learning that they were still alive, or discovering that they were about to have a child together? Sam paused momentarily, picking up a small lamb and running her fingers over the soft off-white fabric, "but what if i they /i are? I mean, lets be honest here, I kinda sprung this whole thing on them pretty quickly. Not to mention they don't exactly have all their memories yet. What happens when they do remember everything? What would they think of me, would they think that I took advantage of them and their situation?" Janet stopped her friend's ramblings and removed her hand from where it had been soothingly rubbing her Sam's back.

"Listen to me. Listen carefully." Her firm grip on Sam's hand forced eye contact. Martouf and Lantash love you. They could never think anything negative about you. Besides, if they do they've got me to answer to." She winked. Sam chuckled at the thought of what an angry Janet might look like beating up a shocked Martouf.

beepbeepbeep Janet looked down at her pager, it was so old no one carried it around anymore, well except doctors. At the same time Sam's phone rang… it was Jack calling. "We gotta go." They both said simultaneously.


	11. Refuge

Ch. 11 of Pain & Sorrow

By the time the two women arrived at the SGC, there were literally several hundreds of Tok'ra running around the base. Cots were set up in large rooms, single personal quarters were altered to fit several people. Their military base had been turned into a refugee camp and people were doing absolute best to maintain a sense of order. For the SGC personnel, this was not too out of the ordinary. They were simply following orders given to them by their superiors. Many were bringing in food, blankets and clothing, others played tour guide to any Tok'ra unfamiliar with the base settings, some took inventories of available supplies and sent out orders for what they needed.

The same could not be said for their guests however. Many walked awkwardly about. There was a general sense of impending doom that seemed to hover above them, as though a storm cloud rained over them on a constant basis leaving their clothing wet with unshed tears. Many were angry at the thought that one of their own could, or would cause such damage. Their friends, their comrades, and loved ones – one of these people, to whom they were very close to on an emotional level, had done this. Many were shocked to see that the Tau'ri would be so kind to them. There was also no doubt that many resented their allies' welcoming attitude, interpreting their kindness as mere pity. The Tok'ra were full of pride and honor, the last thing they would be willing to accept was pity from anyone.

The base had been handling the influx of Tok'ra for many hours now. Amongst all the faces that had gone through the two story ring, not a single one was that of Martouf's. Sam waited impatiently for their arrival. She had pushed the fear and anxiety in the back of her mind as she helped others settle in. She walked about like a robot, herself busy to avoid thinking about the possibilities, but now she was becoming restless. Where could they be?

"I hope this is okay for now. There should be more supplies coming through."

"Thank-you. All of you, for your help."

"It's no problem. If there's anything you need just tell one of the guards and they'll take care of it as soon as they can."

"Thank-you. Wait."

"Yeah?" Sam said, turning around.

"You are Major Samantha Carter, correct?"

"I take it you've heard about me."

"You are very well known amongst the Tok'ra."

"Some good I hope." She said as she sat back down to talk.

"My name is Suja," she bowed her head to allow the symbiote to speak. "and I am Lattia."

"Pleasure."

"How soon before the child comes?"

"About a month and a half."

"Congratulations."

"Thank-you."

They sat in an awkward silence for a moment, Sam watched the change in facial expressions as Suja and Lattia were spoke to one another internally. i It must be interesting, /i Sam thought. "Forgive me for being blunt," Suja finally said, "but surely you know there are mixed feelings among the people with regard to the child? I was curious as to how you felt."

"Actually, I haven't even thought about it. Kinda been busy with my own problems you know. What exactly do you mean by mixed feelings?"

"Unless a child is born of a host before a blending, we generally do not have children. In fact, it is taboo for a Tok'ra to bear children of biological descent." Sam searched her mind for a possible reason, but Suja was able to answer her question quicker. "As you know the child would be heircesses?"

"I forgot all about that."

"Many feel that it would be cruel to bring someone into this world having not only the knowledge, but the memories of all the atrocities it carries with it. It would lack any form of i true /i innocence, it would be tortured by the most gruesome of images and…"

"I am sorry Major Samantha Carter." Lattia said, interrupting her host. "But Suja's tongue sometimes works faster than her mind. She is young, and very curious. She meant no harm but what she said." But the damage had been done. Sam merely sat there, still as a stone and the color fading from her face.

"I…I never meant to… by the universe Samantha, I am so sorry." Suja pleaded.

"It's ok." Sam turned her head to look at the others in the room. She noticed on of the Tok'ra, Tyr, whatever his name was she couldn't remember, he solemnly nodded at her sending his regards from across the room. What was he thinking? Did he see her as an evil person for going what she just did to another being that wasn't even born yet? Or what about the woman who was carefully taking her personal belongings and placing it in the locker at the foot of her bed? Sam didn't recognize the host, but maybe Jolinar had known the symbiote. How did she feel about Sam's baby? But this was her baby they were talking about, Martouf and Lantash's baby. How dare they pass judgement on something that wasn't even any of their business?! "I don't mean to be so defensive Lattia, but aren't all Tok'ra born that way? What difference does it make if the child is human or a symbiote? He or she will eventually have to learn about the world at some point, and deal with it just like everyone else. It's no one's business what goes on with this baby, you're not the ones who are raising it!"

Sam quickly took a bee-line for the door, nearly knocking down Lyna in her path. "Samantha…" but Sam kept walking, she didn't want to spend another minute with people who she thought hated her. Not when she had done so much for them. i Ungrateful SOB's /i she thought.

Several more people passed through the gate. "How many more are left?" Asked General Hammond.

"Only three, Martouf/Lantash, Jacob/Selmak, and your Dr. Jackson. There still has been no contact with the other Tok'ra bases."

"So you haven't been able to warn them about the impending attack?"

"Unfortunately, no. We cannot speak to the operatives within the Goa'uld ranks, they may have been compromised."

"Alright Son. You all need to get yourselves checked in. Get comfortable, you might be here for a long time."

"Thank-you General Hammond."

"Martouf, we have to go. Now!" Jacob ordered.

"Go! Go without me!" he yelled back, ducking his head as crystals came falling down, closing off most of the base. "I will be there as soon as I can." First he needed to reach the main operating systems chamber to gather the last of the information stored there. Then he needed to reach Anise's lab and get whatever was left behind there.

"Jacob! There's no time. Martouf lets go!" but Daniel's cries fell on deaf ears as Martouf ran the other direction. The two men left behind looked at one another. There was no way in hell they were going to leave Martouf behind.

"I'll keep these tunnels open. Go! Help him!"

Daniel ran after Martouf. "What do you need me to do?!"

"Those crystal, on the control board, we need to save those."

"I got 'em! Do what you need to do!" and with that, Martouf ran into Anise's lab. He quickly looked around for whatever may have been left behind in all the chaos. First things first, the information about zartac technology. He grabbed data pads and information storage crystals, quickly stuffing them into his pack. He then grabbed all the vials left behind, carefully placed them into a box and carefully placed the box into his pack. Martouf cried in pain as a flash of memory came fore, incapacitating him like a migraine. This was nothing like any memory flash he had experienced before, this one hurt, and bad. He held his head in his hands, his body curled into a fetal position on the floor.


	12. Menna

"Pa-pu! Pa-pu!" a little girl raced through the Fields of Eromathea, each stride bringing her closer to her home by the river side. She looked to be about 12, although she was young, she was very strong. Her father had made sure of it. Long black hair flowed wildly in the wind, and a small tear shed from the side of her eyes as they were assaulted by the dust and polin of the land. "Pa-pu!"

"What is it Aiza?" said her father as he rushed from their home. His wife slowly followed him, holding in her arms a baby boy.

"Visitors emerged from the gate of the stars! They warn of an attack and the Chief elders have called forth the Order of Igsuon!" She was out of breath as she moved to her mother to grab the baby. The word igsuon meant 'protection.' All the citizens of his world were required to train the ways of the warrior, even women and children. In their laws, the Order of Igsuon stated that should any impending threat come to their villages, all adults that were capable would take arms against their enemy.

Several districts would come together to form a single organized land unit while the trained warriors served as the primary defense in the skies. Yet even with all their planning and training, no one could have expected the massive forces of the Goa'uld and the destruction it was about to bring forth. Martouf watched as his little girl quickly prepared herself, grabbing the packs full of food supplies, weapons, and other essentials that she would need as she and the rest of the children and elderly wait through the attack. His wife, the only love he's ever known since childhood, instinctively and just as quickly as her daughter, began arming herself. In short time she transformed from loving caretaker to fierce warrior, just as he transformed from the role of farmer and provider.

Before heading to the main capital, he and his wife escorted their children to safety. In the dense forest near their house, within the depths of a cave, was the entry way into an intriquite tunnel system. The system was hidden deep underground and interconnected with the other villages and districts. This was the place of hiding for any citizen not fit to fight in times of battle children, elderly, pregnant women, etc. He opened the heavy doors and handed his daughter a torch. "You know where to go. Be safe and follow the laws, until we come to retrieve you."

"Take care of your brother my love, you are now in charge of this family."

"Yes, Ina (mother)" his wife held her children tightly in her arms, momentarily he watched the loving exchange, and he too came forward and held his family in his arms. Before saying their final 'good-byes' and 'I love you's' he knelt down and looked his daughter in the eye.

"Do not cry Aiza, there will be no tears in this family. Be brave." He said to her. She nodded her head in understanding and walked through. He closed the opening behind her, and covered it with a dense thicket of vegetation. He then kissed his wife one last time before they began running to the main capital.

Martouf had never seen such chaos and destruction in all his life. All the training they had endured could not prepare his people for this… The men and women fought with all their hearts, but many were now dead on the ground laying in pools of their own blood. He had been separated from his wife early on in the battle. He missed her so much, but he could not think of that now. In his mind he thanked the visitors for their warning. Had they not come, surely all the children would be among the piles of the dead. Menna… Aiza…Josai… The names of his family rang through his head, giving him hope and reason to keep fighting as all his energy quickly became depleted.

He watched in horror as a group of men women were being dragged by their feet to a large room that had been used for meetings. The men and women were unarmed, their weapons taken from them and used to kill their fellow citizens. Ironic that the tools created to protect the citizens would be used in their destruction - but the again, this was what the goa'ul specialized in. Silently and ever so stealthily he followed them, his knuckles becoming white as he tightly gripped his projectory weapon. In the large room, the men and women were being separated to two different sides by the guards. Hiding behind a large pillar in the upper balcony, he watched the atrocities that took place before them. The intruders wore armory he had never seen before – large and metallic, they could be heard from a great distance away. With a flash of light a man appeared before them. He was adorned with jewels and fine clothing, he was not a warrior, but someone who obviously held a great deal of power.

"My Lord!" with a single nod of acknowledgment, he ordered the gruesome murder of the men. Martouf bit back the urge to run in and fight, he was vastly outnumbered and would've been instantly killed had he done so. He leader than fixed his gaze on the group of women before him. He smiled perversely at them. The guards grabbed one of the women. Shaya, Martouf knew her, she and her wife were childhood friends, and often Shaya would volunteer help care for their children. Having just watched her husband be killed, Shaya was grief stricken and afraid. Her body convulsed in fear and she did not fight back when the guard pulled her in front of their leader.

"Bow before your God Heru'er!" He yelled. She cried, the guards released her arms and she instantly fell to her knees. He smiled at her submission. But she was not the queen he longed for, she was not strong enough. He looked to one of his guards, one that obviously held a higher position than the others. "Kala, my first prime," he smiled, "see how your god is generous. I give her to you as a gift for your services." A cold shiver ran down the Martouf's spine as he watched Kala grin widely. "Yes my Lord, I thank you." Kala then grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the other room. The women huddled closer together as they heard her cries of pain, no doubt in their mind what Kala was doing to the poor Shaya. Her beauty was her curse and Kala was taking great pleasure in it. Martouf poised his weapon, aiming it at the leader. In the other room Shaya's cries became louder and louder. Suddenly, upon the sound of a single staff blast her cries ceased. Martouf closed his eyes and breathed deep. His hands shook as he gripped his weapon ever tighter. His palms were covered with sweat. He watched as their leader gave an order for the selection of another. From the center of the group the guards dragged a woman with long black hair. Her beautiful brown skin was covered with blood, both of her own, and that of her friends that she had fought side by side with. Martouf's eyes widened. "Beloved" he thought.

"Kneel before your god!" but she did nothing. When the guards released her arms she stood tall, staring angrily at the man before her. "Kneel!" one of the guards hit her behind the knees with his staff weapon. She bit her lip to prevent the cries of pain from coming fore. She fell to the ground but quickly stood again. The god smiled. Martouf fought the urge to run to her, but even if he had there was no way of saving her. Instead, he waited for an opportunity.

"Do you not know your place in this world woman?" He whispered into her ear. His hot breath over her neck caused her stomach to turn and she wanted to vomit at his touch but refrained from doing so. She chided herself for shaking like a coward. He smiled wickedly. "I will make you my queen and soon you will shudder beneath me!" She closed her eyes, forbidding the tears from coming. "Destroy them, I have no need for those women. I have found my queen." With that said, the bright light came again and in its wake, appeared a beautifully adorned alter. At the same time other women were being shot dead just as he men were not long ago. Martouf began to move from behind the pillar, but just as he did a strong grip on his shoulder caught his attention. The man wore the colors of sand, and from his clothing the Martouf could tell that he was among those who had come to warn his people. His eyes were stern, pleading for Martouf to stand his ground and not move from his hiding place behind the pillar. Martouf turned his head again towards the center of the room. His wife kicked and bucked as the guards dragged her to the alter and began tying her down, not once did she allow a scream to escape from her lips. Martouf then turned his head to the Tok'ra, his eyes conveying the words in his mind, 'I cannot.'

"Before you receive my queen, I will make you mine!" Upon hearing his words, Menna's eyes widened with fear, a feeling which only increased as he began to hover above her. A blast from behind the pillars flew through the room, only to be stopped by an invisible force field that surrounded the leader. "Jaffa! Cree!"

The man in beige quickly grabbed Martouf's arm and ran as fast as he could to the nearest exit. He stopped short when he saw that it was covered with Jaffa guards heading his way, turning the other direction he was knocked out by the end of a staff weapon. Martouf suffered the same fate. The staff weapon created a large cut on the side of his temple and began to bleed profusely.

Heru'er stood as he waited for the guards to bring the two men before him. "I will take great pleasure in torturing you Tok'ra!"

"Heru'er, you are just as disgusting as I remember you last." The man chuckled, to which he received a painful blow from the guard behind him. Martouf cringed. He looked at the alter, eyes locking with that of his wife's. At that moment, she whimpered and began to cry.

"Menna…" he weakly called out to her.

An evil grin crossed Heru'er's face as he witnessed the loving exchange. "Ahhh.. I see that you know this woman. Soon she will be my queen."

"No!" Martouf yelled through gritted teeth. His protests only made Heru'er laugh more. The tok'ra beside him dizzily began to pick himself up, and watched as Martouf took a staff weapon to his stomach and double over in pain.

"Martouf!" Menna cried. Heru'er slowly walked over to the alter. She screamed and he placed his hand over her mouth. He quickly pulled away when she bit his hand.

"Insolent fool! " he slapped her across the face, leaving a large cut in its wake. "Fight me and he will die before your eyes!" His gaze diverted to Martouf and the guard swiftly hit him against the stomach once more. Martouf looked to his wife as she looked to him. She stopped fighting, fearful of what this man might do to her love if she did. The god then grinned at her. "Soon you will forget all about this man." He moved to hover above her once more. Violently he began ripping apart her clothing and soon she was naked before him. He removed everything form her body, all but one thing, the necklace that Martouf had given her upon their union, his promise to her that he will love and protect her always, and she in turn would love and protect him. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of the necklace upon her skin, bracing herself for the feeling she was about to receive next.

The tok'ra closed his eyes and looked to the floor. So many times had he seen this sort of atrocity, and every time he felt the same amount of pain, same amount of disgust and sorrow. He steered his eyes away and attempted to shut out the cries of pain. But he could not.

Martouf fought violently to break free of the guards, save his wife, and kill the man that dared to harm her. But the guards had a strong grip, and there were several of them holding on to him. Two guards, one which had been standing behind Martouf and the other behind the tok'ra readied their torture sticks. Martouf cried as he felt the pain and shock through every inch of his body. The last thing he saw was his wife, he heard her cry out his name as every aspect of her being was being taken from her.

Hours later Martouf awoke in a dark cell, just as the heavy doors were being opened. The man, the tok'ra that Martouf had seen earlier was thrust through the entry. He landed right on top of Martouf, reminding him of his many wounds which, upon impact, were reopened and began to bleed again. "Will this nightmare ever end?" he thought to himself. He could taste the blood in his mouth. Breathing was painful, he held his chest as he slowly made his way to check on the tok'ra who was now curled on to his side on the floor. Martouf turned him to his stomach. The man was barely alive and Martouf feared that this man would soon be dead, not because he knew this man, not because this man would meet his demise in an attempt to help people he did not know, but because if this man died, Martouf would truly be alone.

"Where are we? What is happening?"

"We…we are in a, a gou'uld, argh!" he cried out in pain "… mothership. We… are being sigh tortured." The meaning of his words did not truly hit Martouf. Instead, he continued to fish for answers.

"Why?"

"Infor-information, from…me. You, I do not – argh – know. Dying… I am dying…"

"Is there anyway I can help you? We can get out of here."

"Yes." The man paused. He was quickly losing consciouness.

"Well..?"

Martouf watched himself take down the guards, only it was not him that was doing it. Running past golden corridors and into one room after another, he witnessed as he moved with such skill and precision that he was amazed. Physically he felt as if he was healthier than he's ever been in his entire life, but he did not know how that was possible.

"Menna…. Menna, I have to find Menna." He said to himself.

/We cannot, we must leave now/

\what? Who are you, what has happened?\

/Relax Martouf. I am Lantash. I am the one who has healed you./ Martouf realized that all his cuts and bruises were now gone, his blood-stained clothing were the only evidence that they had even existed. He no longer tasted his own blood.

\how?\

/I cannot explain now, if you really must know then search through my memories and you will see the answers which you seek. I must focus on our escape./

\Menna…\

/Menna is no more. She has become the host to Heru'er's queen./ Just as Lantash finished his explanations he felt the pain of Martouf's loss come over him like no other. But what was he to do? An attempt to rescue her would surely lead to their downfall, and with it the entirety of the tok'ra.

Lantash heard several guards in formation making their way to his direction. They were only seconds from reaching him. Quietly, he sneaked through large double doors, only to find himself in a bathing chamber. In the center was a giant bath. Steam eminated from the surface of the water, and flower petals floated beautifully alongside several candles. He stood facing the slender and well toned back of a woman whose black hair had been pulled to the front, exposing her long neck on the other side.

\Menna!\ Martouf cried, but his voice would not say the words. Slowly Lantash reached into one of Martouf's pockets where earlier he had placed a vial of green fluid. He broke the vail in half, allowing the liquid to cover and saturate his hand. Slowly he crept behind her. Luckily she was alone and unguarded in the room. Just as Lantash was several feet from her, she turned around. Her eyes glowed in shock, and before she could yell for the guards Lantash placed his hands over her mouth and nose. Martouf didn't know what was happening, and he couldn't stop himself. He yelled for the creature inside him to stop hurting his wife, but he did not. Soon she was passed out, the weight of Menna's body filled his arms, but she was light as a feather. Her skin was soft and wet, Lantash was overwhelmed when he felt the love Martouf had for this woman. He took a sheet and wrapped it around her body. He carried her with him as he made his way to where he knew the gliders would be.

Lantash was successful in locating and procuring a glider. But that was only the easy part, and he knew that it wouldn't be long before someone would detect that one of the gliders was activated. Ignoring Martouf's never ending protests, he tightly tied Menna's body. He then surrounded her with pillows that he had found in one of the rooms of the ship. Moving to the controls, he began setting the coordinates for a nearby solar system.

Lantash flew with perfectly calculated maneuvers as he dodged the attacks from pursuing gliders. Martouf was beginning to understand the tok'ra and goa'uld, but he was still fearful. He watched in awe as he saw his planet for the first time, from the view of outerspace. Areas where large cities once stood were now replaced by large flames. He didn't know what had happened to his children and he feared for their safety. He prayed that the goa'uld did not find the underground cities in which they Aiza and Josai would've taken refuge. Suddenly Lantash slowed his speed.

\What are you doing?!\

/Trust me, I am well experienced in flying…/

\They are approaching us!\ Martouf warned. But just as the other gliders were about to reach them, Lantash released an explosive from behind the ship and turned on the hyper-drive. Martouf felt his head against the back of his chair, it was as if it was glued on and he could not remove it. All he could do was watch as they flew with great speed past the stars.

Following the decided procedure, Lantash carried Menna through several gate systems before dialing the Tok'ra home world. He kept her eyes blindfolded, just incase she awoke. Martouf was grateful that they had the capability to remove the devil which had taken possession of his beloved.

The experience had hurt them both very badly. Menna and Martouf feared for their children, and for their friends' children. They begged and pleaded but were not allowed to return to Eromathea, it was too soon, and too risky. Menna refused to take a symbiote, fearful that it would only be a repeat of what she had gone through. And so Martouf and Lantash no longer asked. Lantash remained dormant around Menna, as he knew she was not completely comfortable with him yet. This allowed for her and Martouf to have privacy. It was obvious to everyone that Menna had suffered greatly. In private she did not even allow Martouf's touch to comfort her, and she never told him why. Martouf assumed it was because she was ashamed of him, he blamed himself for not being able to protect her as he had promised, and thought that she no longer found him worthy. Little did he know it was herself she blamed. She was fighting an inner battle and losing. Menna blamed herself for not protecting Martouf as she had promised, and allowed for him to be hurt by the monster, for betraying him and allowing another to… And their children, oh how they missed Aiza and Josai. She should've gone back for them, but she didn't know how.

Two weeks after their arrival on the Tok'ra base and the removal of Heru'er's queen from Menna's body, Martouf searched the surface for his wife. Dusk was fast approaching and he was always fearful when she was alone. He called out her name over and over again. But he heard no replay, only the echos of his voice through the night sky. Martouf reached the side of a cliff where he saw the slender shilouette of his wife in front of the beautiful orange glow of the moon. He smiled at her. "Menna, my love…" She turned to face him. Her eyes were full of tears as she sadly smiled back. "I am sorry Martouf." She softly said to him. "I could not keep my promise to you." He frowned as he realized what she was about to do. Martouf began quickly running towards her. "I love you, forgive me…" She whispered as she leaned her body back. He screamed her name, reaching out for her hands. His fingers were able to grab her wrist just as she fell. His hand held on to her for dear life as his other hand gripped the root of a tree, keeping himself stable.

"Menna…"

"I love you." She said once more. And with her free hand she grabbed his wrist. He breathed a sigh of relief thinking he was now able to pull her up. But just as quickly as his breath came, his eyes opened wide with shock. She was not gripping him so she could be pulled up. No, she was trying to break herself free from his grasp.

"Menna. No, please!" He let go of root to grab her with his other hand. Feeling his body begin to fall, Lantash took control and anchored his feet on the same root. Martouf cried as he dangled against the rock-face. His last memory of his wife was of her smiling sadly at him as she fell towards the rocky edges of the shore. Her body lay dicrepid upon the pile of the large rocks. An instant death. Large waves smashed against the rocks, breaking and splashing upon contact, then taking with it small rocks and debris. Soon the ocean claimed her body, carrying her to the depths of the ocean.

Lantash used the roots and weeds to pull himself up off the cliff. Fearful that Martouf would commit the same heinous act of suicide, he refused to allow him any control until they reached the tunnels. Martouf cursed him every step of the way for it. In Eromathea, it was acceptable to commit an act of self-sacrifice if someone had failed their family and loved ones. But it was rare, fore everyone was well trained and knew their part in society. Martouf wallowed in his thoughts. It was he who failed to protect his family, he had failed to protect his wife, and rescue his children…" So why was it was Menna that committed Iba-jan?

"Martouf…it is time to get up. Get up Martouf." The soft sweet sound of Menna's voice reverberated through his mind.

"Martouf… get up."

"Menna…"

"Martouf! Get up!" the gentle feminine voice was replaced by a manlier, more urgent one.

"What?" he whispered.

"Jacob! We're in here!" yelled Daniel Jackson. "Martouf's down, we have to hurry!"


	13. Complications

0130 hours. Damn, it was late. Sam was so tired, but she couldn't go home. Not just yet, not until she knew for sure that her father, Daniel, and more importantly, Martouf and Lantash were all okay and in one piece. Her hormones were causing her emotions to fluctuate uncontrollably. At the moment, all she wanted was to hug her father, to tell him how much she loved him. She wanted to say how sorry she was that they had wasted all those years apart. No matter how many times she said it, the past was still the past and they couldn't bring back time lost. She needed to hug Daniel, her friend and confidante. He was one of the few people who stood by her when she needed it the most. She couldn't loose that friendship they had, she needed him.

Sam didn't dare think about the loss of Martouf and Lantash. It nearly killed her the first time around, the second time would surely do the trick. So instead, she waited. Waited for her loves to come back and hold her, waited for them to come and keep her warm at night, waited for them to massage her feet when she felt stressed, waited for them to come back and gently rubbed her belly as they listed all the possible names that they thought would be suitable with a smile on their face that made her weak in the knees

0315. Still no sign of them. Sam was running out of paperwork to do. At some point she was even tempted to go to the Colonel's office and do his paper work for him, not that he would object.

0500. It had been a long day for Jack, and he was still on. In fact, it had been a long day for everyone since the arrival of the Tok'ra. He decided he had to walk around the base tying up the loose ends before he could allow himself to go home. Walking past Carter's office he noticed the light was still on. He knocked on the door… no answer. After a minute or two of waiting he tested the knob and found that the door was unlocked. What he walked into could break a warrior's heart. Sam was fast asleep on her computer. There was a large pile of mission reports to the side of the desk, no doubt that each one was complete and ready for submission.

"Carter… Sam, hey." he whispered, gently shaking her shoulder

"Mmm… Martouf?"

"No, its just me." He whispered.

"Oh, Colonel. Sorry, I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep."

"It's okay. How come you're not at home? Come on I'll drive you."

She lifted her head. Her hair was a mess. On her face was the impression of her computer key-board. Under normal circumstances he would've made a joke about being able to type his reports from her cheek. He smiled at her sympathetically.

"It's alright Sir, I wasn't planning on going home anyway."

"Why's that?"

"Just waiting Sir. Ahh… besides I have a few more reports to type up."

"We're Carter. It's not gonna do you any good if you don't get some rest." He tilted his head towards her computer. "looks to me like you've pretty much written all your reports, and them some."

She followed his eyes and saw that she had accidentally typed pages of random letters. _Damn_, she thought. The last thing she wanted was for her CO to see her weakened like this. "I'm fine Sir, but thank-you for your concern." She said as she walked towards her open door indicating that he should leave.

"Are you sure, 'cause you look a little…"

"I'm fine. Really."

"Alright, well, I'll see you around then." But he was still unconvinced. He pretended to walk out the door, but he didn't walk away when she closed it. Just in case.

Sam sighed in relief once he was finally gone. He was gonna give her hell for being at work while she was supposed to be home on maternity leave, but what the hell, non of them were planning on a deluge of Tok'ra guests coming through the gate. She stretched out her neck and rubbed her shoulder, something felt wrong, very wrong. Sam grabbed some books from her desk and began placing them back onto the shelf. She paused momentarily as she felt a small pain coming from her abdomen. But soon it was gone. _It's probably nothing_. She picked up another book, it fell onto the floor as another wave of pain brought her to her knees. _Shit!_

Jack was no more than three feet from her office when he heard her yell. He raced into her office and saw that she was on the floor holding her stomach. "Carter! Carter whats wrong?!"

"Ahhh! Oh my god, it hurts!"

"Hold on." He gently pulled her to her feet and placed her on her chair. "We need a medic in Carter's office now!" he yelled into the phone receiver. "It'll be ok, just breathe." He said as he tried to calm her down, in his head those words were more for him than for her.

Daniel grabbed Martouf's arm and placed it over his shoulder. Jacob was on his other side helping. Both men were carrying very disoriented Martouf through the remaining corridors. They were about thirty feet from the ring platform when a sudden collapse in the tunnels blocked their way.

"Dammit!" Jacob yelled as they were surrounded by the darkness.

Sam was on the farthest end of the infirmary laying on one of the hospital beds. Every single bed was occupied, mainly by injured Tok'ra who Sam was reluctant to face. Curling up ever tighter, she covered herself with a blanket and began singing silently to her baby. She closed her eyes and pictured her own mother singing it to her like she used to when Sam was little. She played the song in her head over and over again.

"_Smile though your heart is aching. _

_Smile even though it's breaking_

_When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by._

_If you smile through your fear and sorrow,_

_Smile and maybe tomorrow,_

_You'll see the sun come shining through for you…"_

Janet picked up the clipboards from her desk and made her way out of her office. Immediately when she opened the door she saw Jack and Teal'c standing and blocking the doorway. "Jeeze what the hell are you guys doing?"

"We are inquiring as to Major Carter's health Dr. Fraiser." Teal'c responded solemnly.

She sighed, they would never leave her side without an explanation. "I've already checked her out Teal'c, she's fine for now. I called her OBGYN to let her know about Sam's condition. Sam didn't want to leave the base so I explained to Dr. Lee that Sam wouldn't be able to come in but that I would be monitoring her condition closely and…"

"Yeah, yeah yeah." Jack interrupted. "But what's wrong with her?

"She has gestational hypertension."

"What?! She gonna be ok?"

"I'm doing all I can right now Jack. I'm giving her medications to decrease her blood pressure and I've ordered her to stay in bedrest from here on out. Which, to tell you the truth, was really what she should've been doing anyway. But at least she's here and we can monitor her, its just too bad we cant offer her a private room that's all."

"That's it? There's nothing more you can do?"

"Well… I asked if I could induce her labor, but she refused. There's no way she's having the baby without Martouf and Lantash around."

"Is it not too early for her to deliver Dr. Fraiser?"

"Well, yeah. But it is one of the few treatments for GH. Usually the problem goes away after birth."

"Well, its not like she's in any risk if she refuses right?"

"_Damn him for always getting straight to the point." _Janet thought to herself.

"Doc?!"

"There are risks, yes." Jacks eyes widened as Teal'c tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly are those risks?" He wished he could remember everything he read about pregnancy back when he was with Sarah, but in all honesty, it was so long ago and there was probably so much more information now that even if he could recall some of the things, the information would be useless for him.

Janet hesitated in answering his questions. She knew it would only make the two begin to panic. At the moment there was nothing else she could do but watch Sam closely. "Well, GH is closely related to preeclampsia, her condition could also cause preterm birth or placental abruption. But really you guys, there's no need to worry. I'm watching her closely and that's all we can do right now."

"Alright, well I'll take first watch and T you can…"

"Jack. She's really upset right now, I think all she really needs is to be alone."

"But…"

"But nothing. The two of you hovering over her would just cause unwanted stress."

"It won't be two of us, it'll be one of us at a time."

"No."

"But."

"Out you two." She pointed towards the door. The two men defeated, reluctantly and very slowly made their way out.

"_Light up your face with sadness_

_Hide every trace of sadness._

_Although a tear may be ever so near, _

_That's the time you must keep on trying, _

_Smile, what's the use of crying?_

_You'll find that life is still worthwhile, _

_If you just smile."_

Jack and Teal'c hastily made their way to the General's office. He wasn't there. There was only one other place he could be, in the control room, and so there they went.

"General!"

"Colonel, what the hell are you still doing here? I thought you went home already."

"Permission to go to the Tok'ra base, Sir!"

"I can't allow that Colonel."

"Sir, we have three good men out there!"

"We haven't sent a malp through Colonel. Not only that, but you don't exactly have a team right now."

Thankfully Colonel Reynolds was sitting in the room and heard the request.

"Sir, permission to take SG-3 to the Tok'ra base, Sir!"

"What in the hell… Son do you realize you're talking about taking your team into what you know to be a full on goa'uld attack?"

"Yes Sir, and I know my team General, they'll be damn excited to kick some Goa'uld ass right about now." Colonel O'neill looked at Reynolds and mouthed a very grateful "thank-you" at his direction.

"Alright, we'll send a malp through to make sure. But damn if even a single Jaffa is standing by that gate then this request is denied."

"Yes Sir." Both men said simultaneously. Reynolds gathered his team and within ten minutes SG-3 along with Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c stood at the bottom of the ramp ready to go through. Luckily there were no guards on the ground… yet.

They stepped through the gate, dodging blasts from death gliders and hiding behind dunes as they followed Daniel's radio signal. They were able to locate the ring platform, and from what Jack remembered, the controls shouldn't be far. Teal'c found them behind a small area of piled rocks. He activated them and quickly ran to join the others.

The team was surprised to find themselves in a small room. They instinctively turned on the lights that were attached to their weapons. Each tunnel surrounding them was now blocked by collapsed crystals.

"Well this wasn't what I expected." O'Neill commented.

"Colonel!' O'Neill and Reynolds turned their direction toward Capt. Garcia. "I'm detecting some faint energy signals this way Sirs." She said.

"My readings also indicate Daniel Jackson's radio signal coming from that direction O'Neill." Teal'c confirmed.

"Alright. Garcia, how much C4 you got?"

"Ahh… Colonel." Jack interrupted. "Don't think that's such a good idea."

"He's right Sir, we don't know how stable these tunnels are, we could just end up collapsing this room."

"What the hell else are we supposed to do?"

Everyone looked at one another in confusion. They had no clue.

"Jacob. Can you see anything?" Lantash questioned. Martouf had taken refuge in the back of his mind. Every single memory since the time he was born had come flooding back to him. Pain he had long forgotten pierced through him like a spear. Lantash had suffered the same fate, but unlike Martouf he had dealt with pain for centuries now and knew how to hide it well.

"Not a damn thing. Daniel?"

Daniel reached into one of his many pockets and pulled out a glow stick. He snapped in the middle and allowed the neon green to glow in his hand. "What now?" Jacob began digging into his pack looking for just the right crystals.

"Dammit, I can't remember which way the rings are."

"Silence. Do you hear that?"

"Ahh, no." Daniel responded.

"Shh.. he's right. There's people there, that might just be where the rings are."

"What if they're Jaffa?" Lantash and Jacob then looked at one another and grinned.

"Then we will just have to fight our way out my friend."

"What? Are you insane, we could be out-numbered."

"How else do you propose we get out of here?"

Jacob poised his hand on the fallen debris, in it he held a square crystal. He looked to the two men beside him. Daniel and Lantash threw their bags over their shoulders and aimed their weapons. "Ready?"

"Yes." "No" – they said simultaneously.

"Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell's going on?" Everyone stepped back as they witnessed the crystals begin to disintegrate before their eyes.

"Ready your weapons" O'Neill ordered.

Soon the tunnel was open. Jacob, Daniel, and Lantash found themselves at the receiving end of several barettas. "Hold your fire! It's us!" Daniel yelled.

"Jesus Daniel I could've shot you!" everyone slowly put down their weapons, safeties were turned 'on' on all earth weapons.

"You alright man?" Reynolds questioned. Martouf's head was covered with blood.

"I am fine, thank-you." Lantash responded. He was pleased to see that his voice did not disturb this Tau'ri, instead, he saw a sigh of relief coming from Reynolds as he patted Lantash on the shoulder.

"Good, let's get you the hell out of here."

"_That's the time you must keep on trying,_

_Smile, what's the use of crying?_

_You'll fine that life is still worthwhile, _

_If you just smile."_


End file.
